https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6hCFGhmL2HI
Wednesday, 8 April 2015
Tuesday, 7 April 2015
20 Things to Remember When Rejection Hurts
Be OK with walking away…Rejection teaches you how to reject what’s not right for you.
As you look back on your life, you will realize that many of the times you thought you were being rejected from someone or something you wanted, you were in fact being redirected to someone or something you needed.
Seeing this when you’re in the midst of feeling rejected, however, is quite tough. I know because I’ve been there.
As soon as someone critiques, criticizes, and pushes you away – as soon as you are rejected – you find yourself thinking, “Well, that proves once again that I’m not worthy.” What you need to realize is, the other person or situation is NOT worthy of YOU and your particular journey.
Rejection is necessary medicine; it teaches you how to reject relationships and opportunities that aren’t going to work, so you can find the right ones that will. It doesn’t mean you aren’t good enough; it just means someone else failed to notice what you have to offer. Which means you now have more time to improve yourself and explore your options.
Will you be bitter for a moment? Absolutely. Hurt? Of course, you’re human. There isn’t a soul on this planet that doesn’t feel a small fraction of their heart break at the realization of rejection. For a short time afterwards you will ask yourself every question you can think of…
- What did I do wrong?
- Why didn’t they care about me?
- How come?
- etc.
But then you have to let your emotions fuel you in a positive way! This is the important part. Let your feelings of rejection drive you, feed you, and inspire one heck of a powerful opening to the next chapter of your story.
Honestly, if you constantly feel like someone is not treating you with respect, check your price tag. Perhaps you’ve subconsciously marked yourself down. Because it’s YOU who tells others what you’re worth by showing them what you’re willing to accept for your time and attention. So get off the clearance rack. And I mean right NOW! If you don’t value and respect yourself, wholeheartedly, no one else will either.
I know it’s hard to accept, but think about it…
All too often we let the rejections of our past dictate every move we make thereafter. We literally do not know ourselves to be any better than what some intolerant person or shallow circumstance once told us was true.
It’s time to realize this and squash the subconscious idea that you don’t deserve any better. It’s time to remind yourself that…
1. The person you liked, loved or respected in the past, who treated you like dirt again and again, has nothing intellectually or spiritually to offer you in the present moment, but headaches and heartache.
2. One of the most rewarding and important moments in life is when you finally find the courage to let go of what you can’t change, like someone else’s behavior or decisions.
3. Life and God both have greater plans for you that don’t involve crying at night or believing that you’re broken.
4. The harsh truth is, sometimes you have to get knocked down lower than you have ever been to stand up taller and emotionally stronger than you ever were before.
5. It’s not the end of the world – it’s never the end of the world – and yet rejection can make the loss of someone or something you weren’t even that crazy about feel gut-wrenching and world-ending.
6. Sometimes people don’t notice the things we do for them until we stop doing them. And sometimes the more chances you give, the more respect you lose. Enough is enough. Never let a person get comfortable with disrespecting you. You deserve better. You deserve to be with someone who makes you smile – someone who doesn’t take you for granted – someone who won’t leave you hanging.
7. Some chapters in our lives have to close without closure. There’s no point in losing yourself by trying to fix what’s meant to stay broken.
8. Take a deep breath. Inner peace begins the moment you decide not to let another person or event control your emotions.
9. You really can’t take things other people say about you too personally. What they think and say is a reflection of them, not you.
10. Those with the strength to succeed in the long run are the ones who build themselves up with the bricks others have thrown at them.
11. Let your scars remind you that the damage someone has inflicted on you has left you stronger, smarter and more resilient.
12. When you lose someone or something, don’t think of it as a loss, but as a gift that lightens your load so you can better travel the path meant for you.
13. You will never miss out on what is meant for you, even if it has to come to you in a roundabout way. Stay focused. Be positive.
14. Rejections and naysayers aren’t that important in the grand scheme of things; so don’t let them conquer your mind. Step forward! Seriously, most of us do not understand how much potential we have – we limit our aspirations to the level someone else told us was possible.
15. Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are. Don’t be one of them. Ultimately, you are who you are when nobody’s watching. Know this! And dare to be yourself, however awkward, different or odd that self may prove to be to someone else.
16. Comparing yourself to others, or other people’s perceptions, only undermines your worth, your education and your own inner wisdom. There’s no one who can handle your present situation better than YOU.
17. The more we fill our lives with genuine passion and purpose, the less time and energy we’ll waste looking for approval from everyone else.
18. You CAN use your struggles, frustrations, and rejections to motivate you rather than annoy you. You are in control of the way you look at life.
19. Sometimes transitions in life are the perfect opportunity to let go of one situation to embrace something even better coming your way.
20. Right now is a new beginning. The possibilities ahead are endless. Be strong enough to let go, wise enough to move forward, diligent enough to work hard, and patient enough to wait for what you deserve.
Afterthoughts
All details aside, you don’t need anyone’s constant affection or approval in order to be good enough in this world. When someone rejects or abandons or judges you, it isn’t actually about you. It’s about them and their own insecurities, limitations, and needs. So you don’t have to internalize any of it! Your worth isn’t contingent upon other people’s acceptance of you – it’s something inherent. You exist, and therefore you matter. You’re allowed to be yourself. You’re allowed to voice your thoughts and feelings. You’re allowed to assert your needs. You’re allowed to hold on to the truth that who you are is more than enough. And you’re allowed to let go of anyone in your life who makes you feel otherwise.
Wednesday, 1 April 2015
Monday, 30 March 2015
7 Things to Remember When You Feel Discouraged and Defeated
The worst enemy to productivity and creativity is self-pity.
This morning I didn’t feel like doing anything. It’s a combination of exhaustion from a few days of hard work, and a lack of sleep.
I couldn’t motivate myself to do anything important, which is a rare occurrence for me. I just felt completely discouraged and defeated. I started overthinking things and doubting myself, and wondering whether anything I do is worthwhile.
I sat there in this funk for nearly an hour and wondered how to get out of it. Should I just forget about today? Should I just give up on this project, because I’m not as good at it as I thought I was?
That’s what I was considering, at least for a little while. But the better part of me knew this mild state of depression was temporary, and so I dug into my own intellectual toolbox for solutions – little tricks of the mind that can have a real effect on reality.
Here’s what works for me – seven things to keep in mind (and do) when you feel discouraged and defeated:
1. You are not the center of the universe (stop making it all about YOU).
I think we all have the tendency to put ourselves at the center of the universe, and see everything from the viewpoint of how it affects us. But this can have all kinds of adverse effects, from feeling sorry for ourselves when things aren’t going exactly as planned, to doubting ourselves when we aren’t perfect.
So this morning, instead of worrying so much about myself, I thought about other people I might help. Finding little ways to help others gets me out of my self-centered thinking, and then I’m not wallowing in self-pity anymore – I’m starting to think about what others need. I’m not doubting myself, because the question of whether I’m good enough or not is no longer the central question. The central question now is about what others need.
Thus, thinking about others instead of oneself helps solve feelings of discouragement and defeat.
2. It is your resistance to ‘what is’ that causes your suffering (be present).
This morning my mind was ruminating about every time and place other than the time and place I was in. When I caught myself doing this, I brought my focus back to the present.
Remember, happiness is allowing yourself to be perfectly OK with ‘what is,’ rather than wishing for and worrying about ‘what is not.’ ‘What is’ is what’s supposed to be, or it would not be. The rest is just you, arguing with life. Think about that for a minute. This means your suffering only ever occurs when you resist how things are in the present.
Although you can’t control everything that happens to you; you can only control the way you respond to what happens. In your response is your power. In your power is your presence.
3. You are more than one thing (loosen up and stretch your identity).
We all have this picture in our minds of ourselves – this idea of what kind of person we are. When this idea gets threatened, we react defensively. People may question whether we did a good job, and this threatens our idea of being a competent person, so we become angry or hurt by the criticism. Someone falsely accuses us of something and this threatens our idea that we’re a good person, and so we get angry and attack the other person. My identity of myself as someone who’s motivated and productive and has great ideas… this was getting in the way this morning. When I wasn’t productive, it made me feel defeated because I began subconsciously worrying that I wasn’t who I thought I was.
My solution was to realize that I’m not just one thing. I’m not always productive – sometimes I am, but sometimes I’m unproductive too. I’m not always motivated — sometimes I am, but other times I’m feeling lazy. And obviously I don’t always have great ideas either – because that’s impossible. The truth is, I can be many things, and remembering this helps me stretch my identity so it isn’t so fragile. Then it doesn’t matter if someone thinks I didn’t do a good job – because I don’t always do a good job. I make mistakes. I am less than perfect. And that’s perfectly OK.
4. Today is still a priceless gift (make the best of it).
I only have so many days left on Earth. I don’t know how many that is, but I do know it’s a very limited number. I know that each one of those limited days is a gift, a blessing… a miracle. And that squandering this miracle is a crime – a horrible lack of appreciation for what I’ve been given. And so, I reminded myself this morning that this day counts and that I still need to make the best of it. That doesn’t mean I need to be hyper-productive or work myself into the ground, but that I should do something worthwhile.
Sometimes taking a break to nourish yourself is a worthwhile activity, because doing so allows you to regroup and do other worthwhile things. But just sitting around in self-pity isn’t helpful. So I got up and took my 8-month old son, Mac, for a long walk that we both enjoyed, and I came back feeling better.
5. Complaining is only making matters worse (find a solution).
When I get in a funk, I have a tendency to complain out loud to everyone around who’s close enough to hear me. Obviously, this doesn’t help them, or me. And as soon as I catch myself doing this, I force myself to shift gears.
The bottom line is that you will never get to where you want to be by complaining about where you are now. Each step in your life is preparing you for the one that comes after it. Complaining does not work as a strategy. We all have limited time and energy. Any amount of time we spend whining is unlikely to help us achieve anything worthwhile. And it won’t make us any happier either.
If you took 10% of the energy you put into complaining and applied it to solving your present problem, you’d be surprised by how well and how fast things can work out. (I forget this sometimes, which is why I’m writing it down again – to remind myself.)
Working as a life coach for the past decade with people who’ve suffered major trauma in their lives but found the courage to turn it around, I know we all have access to far more power, authority, and influence over our lives than we often believe. When you stop complaining, and refuse to see yourself as a helpless victim, you’ll find that you are more powerful than you realized, but only if you choose to accept this reality.
6. Feeling discouraged and defeated is a sign that it’s time to make a change (make that change).
It could be a change of heart, a change in your perspective, or a change in your habits. But the point in any case is that the way you are doing things is no longer working.
When we feel discouraged and defeated, typically our first instinct is to look outside of ourselves for someone or something to blame. In reality, we ought to be looking at how we’re feeling, what we’re thinking, and how we plan to respond.
Your life is your responsibility. While you can’t always change what’s outside of you, you can certainly change your perception of it. And the funny thing is, when you change the way you look at things, the things themselves change, which paves the way for positive action.
7. Even the tiniest possible step is progress. (take a tiny step NOW).
It can be hard to get moving when you’re seriously stuck. This is how I felt a decade ago when I was stuck in a rut after simultaneously losing two loved ones to illness and my breadwinning job. It was really hard to motivate myself when I didn’t think I had the strength to push forward – when I felt insanely horrible and sorry for myself. But I took one tiny step every day, and it felt good, and I got stronger.
That’s what I did this morning too – I took the tiniest possible step. Just turning on my computer, opening up a document, and writing a single sentence. Such an action is so small as to seem insignificant, and yet so easy as to be possible when I was feeling defeated. And it showed me the next step was possible, and the next. And the end result is this blog post you’re reading now.
Closing Thoughts
Yes, I’m still feeling out of it, but not defeated. I’m feeling stronger, because I took these steps.
I know some of you feel the same way from time to time, maybe more often than you’d like to admit. That’s OK. We all do. We aren’t machines, constantly charged up and ready to fire on all cylinders. We are human, which means we falter, we doubt, and we feel pain sometimes.
And this too shall pass.
Wednesday, 25 March 2015
Getting Better Sleep Will Change Your Life — Here's How To Make It Happen
How can I fix my sleeping habits?
Establishing good sleeping habits is one of the best ways to transform your life — there's little that affects your day more than how you slept the night before.
But as the 40% of Americans who don't get enough sleep know, getting a good night's rest is easier said than done.
It's worth it though: There are some incredible benefits to getting more sleep.
Experts recommend establishing a nighttime and morning ritual to help make sure you have the most restful experience between the sheets. Here are nine simple, concrete steps to help you get started.
1. Pick a bedtime. Don't try to go to bed "as early as possible" — that's a vague goal, which makes it almost impossible to achieve. Instead, plan ahead.
Do you want to be up by 7:00? Then get in bed at 11:00. The vast majority of people need between seven and nine hours of sleep a night, so shoot for eight to start, and adjust if it eventually feels like too much or too little.
2. Look at your normal schedule and take note of what you do. Before making any changes, think about what you are doing for the two hours before you want to be asleep. Do you normally watch TV right until you want to get into bed? Do you give yourself any time to get ready for sleep before you actually want to be asleep? Do you do eat or drink anything late at night? You can't change habits until you are aware of what you are already doing.
3. Set some rules for the future. Since you've already taken note of your habits, you can now start re-building your bedtime routine to train yourself to sleep. Set rules that will help you relax.
One big one: never do anything work-related in bed, including checking your email or social media accounts. If you associate your bed with work, it'll be much harder to relax there. That old advice about reserving your bed for sleep and sex is pretty solid — even if 9 out 10 Americans ignore it — but really, just make sure you don't do anything in bed that isn't relaxing.
4. Don't eat or drink alcohol right before bed. Eating too soon before sleeping is associated with heartburn, which can ruin a night. And even though a nightcap is tempting and might help you fall asleep at first, people who drink a lot before bed usually experience disruptions to their sleep in the second half of the night. The more time you can give yourself between partying and feasting and sleeping, the better your rest will be overall.
5. Put your smartphone and laptop away at least 30 minutes before bedtime. This is advice that people love to ignore, but there are very good reasons for it. The blue light from your phone mimics the brightness of the sun, which tells your brain to stop producing melatonin, an essential hormone that regulates your circadian rhythm and tells your body when it's time to wake and when it's time to sleep.
Disruptions to your circadian rhythm are not only linked to poor sleep, they're also connected to vision problems, cancer, and depression. Put the damn phone away.
6. Spend the 30 minutes before sleep relaxing. Here are a few recommendations from the National Sleep Foundation and a few other sources:
- Read a book or magazine you enjoy — just make sure it's not work related.
- Write your thoughts down. Experts say journaling at night can help manage stress and anxiety, making it easier for you to drift off. Spending a few minutes writing in a journal is associated with more productive workdays, less stress, fewer symptoms of depression, and more.
- Create a hygiene ritual that sends a psychological signal that you are getting ready for bed. Brush your teeth, wash your face, floss.
- Try meditation. Studies show that mindfulness meditation lowers stress and promotes psychological well-being. If you want something that will send you to sleep, the UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center has a selection of free downloadable meditations, including one specifically designed to be done in bed.
7. If in the end you can't sleep after all that, try not to fight it. Get out of bed, make yourself a cup of herbal tea, and go read something relaxing (or boring, even — but again, not work-related). Don't look at the screen of your TV, phone, or computer, and get back in bed when you feel tired.
8. In the a.m., don't hit snooze. Experts say that those 10 minutes will only leave you groggier if you fall into a deeper sleep and it'll take even longer for you to feel fully awake.
9. Get some exercise and in particular, some sun, early on. It'll wake you up and that early morning exposure to sunlight will shut off melatonin production, priming your body to start producing it again the next night, when you are getting ready for bed.
It's not always easy, but taking these steps can help you get a good night's sleep. And when you wake up fully rested, you'll thank yourself.
Monday, 23 March 2015
Wednesday, 18 March 2015
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