https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=37pGU_gtp34
Showing posts with label success. Show all posts
Showing posts with label success. Show all posts
Tuesday, 21 April 2015
Monday, 20 April 2015
Wednesday, 8 April 2015
Wednesday, 1 April 2015
Wednesday, 18 March 2015
Wednesday, 11 March 2015
10 Damaging Lies and Excuses Your Mind Loves to Tell You
It is ultimately only our own thoughts that hurt us.
The mind is a wonderful thing. It’s also a total liar and an excuse machine that frequently tries to convince us not to take actions we know are good for us. In the end, this prevents many positive changes from taking place in our lives.
I’ve had to learn to watch these lies and excuses very carefully in order to make the positive changes I’ve made in my life: a healthier diet, regular exercise, meditation, more sleep, daily writing, better planning, less procrastination, more focus, etc.
If I hadn’t learned about these lies and excuses, and how to suppress them, I would never have succeeded in making these positive changes. In fact, until I knew better, I had failed countless times when I was young because my mind’s deceptive tendencies used to get the best of me.
So why does the mind lie to us and make irrational excuses?
Because the mind wants comfort – that’s why. It’s afraid of discomfort, pressure and change. The mind is absorbed in its comfort zone, and anytime we try to stretch that zone too far, for too long, the mind tries desperately to get back to ground zero at any cost… including sacrificing our long-term health, happiness and success.
So let’s expose 10 of the cowardly mind’s most damaging lies and excuses once and for all:
1. I can’t do it. – It seems too difficult at first, so you think you can’t stick to the positive change you’re making. You don’t believe in yourself enough to take another step. This is a common lie/excuse that can be countered by looking at the fact that other people no more capable than you have done it. For example, my 60-year-old next-door neighbor ran a marathon a little before I started training for my first marathon, and so I told myself, “If she can do it, so can I!” And I was right. Truth be told, the only person who can tell you “I can’t” is you. If you hear those words echoing in the back of your mind, tune them out. Realize that your doubts and your faith have something in common – they both ask you to believe in something you can’t see. You simply have to decide which one you want to believe.
2. They can do it, but that doesn’t apply to me because they have it better than me. – Just because someone else can, doesn’t mean you can, right? You look for reasons they can do it but you can’t – maybe he’s an internet entrepreneur or freelance writer because he has no kids. Maybe she’s way fitter than I am, so she can run a marathon. Maybe she doesn’t have all the work and family obligations I have, or has a supportive spouse, or doesn’t have bad knees. OK, fine, it’s easy to find excuses: but look at all the other people who also have considerable obstacles and have done it anyway. Angel and I have a family, and have dealt with significant loss in our lives, and still managed to succeed on many fronts. And just as we’ve turned things around for ourselves, we know hundreds of other people who’ve done the same. Through a decade of life coaching, we’ve witnessed people reinventing themselves at all ages – 48-year olds starting families, 57-year-olds graduating from college for the first time, 71-year-olds starting successful businesses, and so forth. And stories abound of people with disabilities or illnesses who overcame their obstacles to achieve great things. Your obstacles can be overcome.
3. I’m stuck because I don’t have enough time to make changes. – Have you ever met a happy, successful person who regularly avoids responsibility, blames and points fingers and makes excuses for their unsatisfying life? Me either. The truth is, you write your own destiny through the choices you make every day. You become what you repeatedly do. It is more important to know where you are going and why, than to get there quickly. In fact, the most important thing in life is knowing what the most important things in life are, and prioritizing them accordingly. Most of us spend too much time on urgent things and not enough time on important things. So do yourself a favor and implement these three action steps every time you’re building or sorting your to-do list: 1) Think about the difference between what is urgent and what is important. 2) Review all the obligations on your list. 3) Do what’s important first.
4. It’ll be too hard because I can’t get by without _______. – Fill in the blank: I need my wine, my cheese, my sweets, my TV shows, my ten hours of sleep, my big house, my fancy wardrobe, etc. These are luxuries we convince ourselves we can’t live without, so we can justify not making positive changes like eating healthier or exercising daily or saving money or simplifying our lives or building a profitable side hustle. And like I said, I’m not immune either – in the past I’ve made these excuses myself, but they all turned out to be lies. I didn’t need any of these things in my life, and believing that I did was only getting in the way of the positive changes I was capable of creating for myself.
5. Life is meant to be easier and enjoyed more. – Sure, I agree that life should be enjoyed (as most people would) but the problem is that the idea that life should ALWAYS be easy and enjoyable is used to justify all kinds of lazy behavior. Might as well sit on the couch and scarf down those Twinkies, because hey, life is meant to be enjoyed, right? Nope. You can do without junk food and still enjoy life. You can exercise and enjoy it. You can give up a lot of comfort in your life and not lose a thing. In fact, the path of least resistance is often the path of least reward. You need to do hard things. There are no shortcuts to any place worth going. As Einstein once said, “Genius is 1% talent and 99% percent hard work.” You must run to be a runner. You must write to be a writer. You must actively work on a business venture to learn how to run a successful business. There is no substitute for doing the work. So meditate on this every day: “I will do the work. It won’t be easy. It will be worth it!”
6. I deserve a reward (or a break). – We all deserve a tasty treat, or a day off. I’m not saying you shouldn’t give yourself a reward or break when one is deserved. But if you make this rationalization a primary rule for living, you’ll always be on a break. You’ll always be giving yourself rewards, and never adhering to the original plan. Here’s what I do instead: I see sticking to my plan as the reward itself. I see reaching my goals as a gift I give myself. Going on a run isn’t the thing I have to get through to get a reward – the run is the reward.
7. I can do it later. – Sure, you can always do it later… but your later self will feel the same exact way. Think about it: Why should your later self be more disciplined than your present self? There’s no reason. In fact, because you’re allowing yourself to slack off now, you’re building a habit of procrastination and actually making it less likely that your later self will be more disciplined. So today, stop making excuses for why you can’t get it done and start focusing on all the reasons why you must make it happen. Stop talking about what you have done or what you are going to do. Just do it and let your actions speak for themselves. Most great things in life don’t happen by chance, they happen by choice. You never know what’s possible until you risk finding out. In the long run, there is only one thing that makes your dreams and goals completely impossible to achieve: Your lack of action today.
8. One time won’t hurt. – This lie is so tempting, because it’s somewhat true – one time won’t hurt. Assuming, of course, that it really is only one time. One scoop of ice cream, one missed workout, one time procrastinating instead of working, etc. Unfortunately, it’s never just one time. One time means your brain now knows it can get away with this excuse next time too, and the next “one time” leads to another, until you’ve completely fallen off the wagon. Make a pact with yourself: never believe the “one time” lie. If you’re going to allow yourself a scoop of ice cream, decide this beforehand and build it into your plan – “I will allow myself a single serving of sweets once every weekend” and stick to your plan, rather than deciding on the fly when your conscience is weak.
9. It’s better to quit now and cut my losses. – As Winston Churchill once said, “Success is never final, failure is never fatal. It is courage to continue that counts.” Nothing could be closer to the truth. Persistence is the mother of all productive effort. Failures, small and large, happen every day to the best of us. The strongest, most productive people aren’t the people who always succeed, but the ones who don’t give up when they lose. In the heat of the moment when you feel like quitting, think about how far you have come and why you started in the first place. Oftentimes you’re a lot closer to making a breakthrough than you think. Some people give up their efforts when they have almost reached their goal, while others conquer their goals by exerting, up until the very last possible second, more vigorous efforts than ever before. Bottom line: Once you learn to quit, it becomes a habit – so KEEP GOING!
10. It’s already too late. – Nothing is too late until your tired heart stops beating. If you’re reading this right now, congratulations, you are alive, which means it’s not too late for you. Things can change if you want them to at any age. Right now you can choose differently and make something new happen. Your future is immediate. Grab on to it with both hands and keep on moving on. When you come up on a roadblock and are faced with the choice of sitting down and doing nothing or doing something to make further progress, choose the latter. Think, work, and climb if you have to. Move your life forward. Today!
Thursday, 29 January 2015
5 Bad Thoughts That Will Throw You Off Track
Break through's are made when we change the way we think, when we alter our beliefs and open our mind to its full and witty potential.
The definition of “thoughts” is “An idea or mental picture, imagined and contemplated by thinking or occurring suddenly in the mind.” I believe if you can harness and channel the right thoughts you will be unstoppable in any walk of life. These 5 thoughts are mistakenly carried out by the best of us at times and may be the reason why you cant reach that level of success you have been hoping for.
5 Common Bad Thoughts & How To Break Them
Perfectionism
We have all heard the saying ‘no one is perfect’ and in my opinion……thank God! Could you image a world with total perfection? It would be boring and there would be no thrill of risk and nothing better to strive for or look forward to.
I believe imperfection makes something beautiful, real and different and this is how most successful people in the world get to where they are now, by embracing their flaws/imperfections and putting everything they can into their passion!
Thomas Edison invented 3,000 duds before he invented the lightbulb. He himself did not call it failure. Instead, he said: “Any of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”
Taking imperfect action is the best starting point.
Comparing yourself to others
There is only one YOU and trying to be like anyone is a total waste of time I say!
Many entrepreneurs push you to follow your passion and to observe successful people and do what they do. I also believed this. Do what they do but do it in your own way; add your own personal flare and passion along with your high energy and action and you will succeed on your own accord and merit.
Everyone is unique so embrace YOU and concentrate on what you can, do not what others can do.
Thinking that you’re not ‘good enough’
Ok, so I am even a culprit of this at times however who are you or anyone else for that matter to say that you are not good enough?
I truly believe that your mind is the most powerful tool you have and thoughts become things! Start telling yourself that you are good enough, or better yet that you are too good and even if you don’t believe it, you will start to etch this out and create what once was just a vision.
We are all put on this earth for our own personal journeys and success’s and I know that no matter what anyone says, everyone has it in them to do anything they put their mind to! All you have to do is start believing it!
Doing too much at once
I read 10 books at a time and yes as thrilling as it is getting lost in 10 different stories and becoming one with all those different characters and adventures, it sure is hard to concentrate and focus on one at a time! How many books do you think I end up finishing? None!
This is a perfect example of why you concentrate on one thing at a time and don’t overload your plate with too many tasks at once. Even though it sounds fun and the excitement of wanting to finish so many things at once drives you to take everything on board, it really isn’t practical and you end up getting ¼ of everything done and finishing none of them.
Focus on one thing at a time and the satisfying feeling of accomplishing and moving forward will be enough of a reward to help you to successfully complete one thing at a time.
“But I” (Excuses excuses…)
The 5th and final rule is a ban on excuses! Everyone can find an excuse to do or not to do something, this is a known fact!
Excuses help us justify the doubts we already have about something so that the risk is lessened by a self belief for why we can’t do something.
However, I have a philosophy that everything works both ways so next time you find yourself making or finding an excuse why not to do something, change your way of thinking and force yourself to come up with an excuse as to why you SHOULD do that something!
Whenever I doubt something or find myself coming up with an excuse I ask myself this one little question:
What’s the worst that can happen?
Usually my answer to this is “It won’t work out the way I want it to” and if this is what happens then you know what not to do in the future or what to do when you try next time!
It’s all easier said than done and no one can help you unless you really want to help yourself but one thing I do know is that we are all creatures of habit so if you start to forcefully change your way of thinking by following these rules then your body and mind will soon catch on and start to think differently in your favor, automatically!
Tuesday, 20 January 2015
Thursday, 15 January 2015
Why Self-Awareness Is the Secret Weapon for Habit Change
More than we’d probably like to admit so many of our days are spent in a state of self-delusion, an internal monologue of justifying our actions, both good and bad. When we do something wrong, our evolutionary instincts kick in and we do anything we can to not acknowledge the obvious: sometimes, it’s all our fault.
T
he examples should sound familiar: We get necessary and helpful feedback from a boss or colleague, only to snarl under our breath, but failing to realize the foolishness on our end. We become aware of our declining efficiency, so instead of treating the disease we treat the symptoms and we chug coffee only to crash an hour later face-first into our keyboard (and then we go searching for productivity hacks because our workload is too high).
Over time, this becomes our routine, our default reaction, and we fail to stop and reflect on what we’re doing. To make it even more difficult, many of us don’t have the luxury of someone being accountable for us (who does?), helping us recognize our mistakes and their repercussions.
Catching ourselves before we engage in our typical default reactions is one of the greatest challenges of our lives, but when done relentlessly and with discipline and moments of reflection, mindfulness ensues. It’s human nature to first experience and then explain. How difficult it is to be in the midst of trolling, stopping yourself and admitting, “Wait a minute, I’m trolling right now because this person’s opinion just sucker-punched my ego, and I feel a visceral desire to tell this person they’re an idiot so I can feel better!” Instead, we hit send and then explain why we did it.
It’s human nature to first experience and then explain.
In the words of Harvard Business Review writer Anthony K. Tjan, “…there is one quality that trumps all, evident in virtually every great entrepreneur, manager, and leader. That quality is self-awareness. The best thing leaders can [do] to improve their effectiveness is to become more aware of what motivates them and their decision-making.”
Taking pause, and allowing a moment of reflection where we gain clarity and realize our foolishness is so vital to cultivating self-awareness. You’re fighting against all your adaptive and evolutionary behaviors—your mind is hardwired to protect itself at all times—so instead of expending energy on fruitless actions for the sake of a damaged ego, you pause, reflect, and do what’s best for you.
Self-awareness is defined as conscious knowledge of oneself; it’s a stepping stone to reinventing oneself, learning to make wiser decisions, and helps you tune into your thoughts and feelings. So often we place blame on externalities because it’s the easiest excuse, when in fact we should be thinking about our thinking, reflecting, trying on different perspectives, and learning from our mistakes.
The Roman philosopher Seneca once said, “For a person who is not aware that he is doing anything wrong has no desire to be put right. You have to catch yourself doing it before you can reform.”
There isn’t one way to exercise self-awareness, and everyone will meet it in different ways, so below I will outline a few tactics that I hope will help you in this arduous yet equally rewarding practice.
1. The pursuit of self-awareness is difficult and requires dedication.
“The force that can save the amateur is awareness, particularly self-awareness. But the amateur understands, however dimly, that if she truly achieved this knowledge, she would be compelled to act upon it. To act upon this self-awareness would mean defining herself, i.e., differentiating herself from the tribe and thus making herself vulnerable to rejection, expulsion, and all the other fears that self-definition elicits. ” — Steven Pressfield, Turning Pro
To be conscious of who you are, how you think, and what you do is invaluable because it leads to self-knowledge, and in turn, change. Perhaps this is why in practices like Alcoholics Anonymous and cognitive behavioral therapy they first help the individual become self-aware—to be conscious of their fears, thoughts, behaviors, mustering the courage to own it, and using that awareness to facilitate behavioral change.
The dedication required to change our mind and behavior is the fight of our lives. It’s within human nature to habituate, to create routines, so that our brain exerts less effort and spends less energy. The potential danger in this is that we can get too comfortable doing the wrong things, and as Seneca previously said, if we are unaware of it we may have no desire to be put right.
What makes this pursuit particularly difficult is because it isn’t a popular topic of discussion in our culture. It’s not championed in the institutions that raise us. It is extremely difficult to humbly admit a shortcoming instead of fabricating a tale to mitigate the blow.
It is extremely difficult to humbly admit a shortcoming instead of fabricating a tale to mitigate the blow.
And there’s the crux of searching for self-awareness: Do we embrace the “ignorance is bliss” adage when a bright light shines on our flaws? Do we simply escape the reality of who are and let the tides of the day carry us adrift? Or we do face ourselves and move onward towards a path that allows us to reinvent ourselves to embrace our best, truest selves, regardless of how painful it may be at times?
Don’t let those who have fallen into a comfortable groove tell you that this is how life is supposed to be lived. Reflect on your shortcoming, understand the source of its weakness, observe your own contributions or lack thereof, and deeply internalize the lesson so that next time you can play a bigger role. It’s going to be hard, because the mind will thrive to defend you from any opposing information or perspective. It will push for unrealistic attitudes to make you feel better because, hey, you need to survive. This isn’t only our default reaction, it’s simply human nature.
2. Practice being self-reflective.
“Meditation is a rich and powerful method of study for anyone who knows how to examine his mind, and to employ it vigorously. I would rather shape my soul than furnish it. There is no exercise that is either feeble or more strenuous, according to the nature of the mind concerned, than that of conversing with one’s own thoughts. The greatest men make it their vocation, ‘those for whom to live is to think.’” — Montaigne, Essays
At the end of the day, before I go to sleep, I spend ten to twenty minutes meditating. What that really means is I sit there in the dark reflecting on my day, playing the events in my head and pinpointing where I made mistakes.
I ask myself a series of questions to help me digest my day: Did I do what was required of me? Why was I nervous when speaking to that stranger? What did I learn today that was useful? Was I kind to others, to myself? Did I exercise? Why did I check Instagram 10 times in the midst of company? When my friend was telling me a story, why did I tune out?
I do this in hopes that tomorrow I can approach the day with clarity and a better mindset and to acknowledge where I fell short so that I can improve. But you don’t have to meditate in the sense that you’re sitting cross-legged with your eyes closed. You can journal your thoughts. You can simply think out loud while pacing around your room. You can discuss it with a close friend, asking them for their perspective so it can shine a light on your misperceptions.
Self-reflection can take place anywhere at any time. After a heated debate or after realizing a failure, stop yourself from reacting emotionally (which is difficult, for sure). Instead, reflect on the event, look at the individual parts, and be curious as to why it didn’t work out. Seek to understand, not to be right. Where are the faults? What was missed? What piece of the puzzle is missing to help you understand, to alleviate the frustrations, to put the event into perspective? In these moments you’re filled with insecurities and misperceptions. This is far more helpful for devising a solution than ranting and complaining.
Seek to understand, not to be right.
3. Have a philosophical foundation to return to.
“To be a philosopher is not merely to have subtle thoughts, nor even to found a school . . . it is to solve some of the problems of life, not only theoretically, but practically.” — Henry David Thoreau
If you look at any story where the hero is aided by a wise teacher—Luke Skywalker and Yoda; Frodo and Gandalf; Harry Potter and Dumbledore; the grandmaster and the novice; the general and the soldier—what we’re seeing is the teaching of practical wisdom from teacher to student. The common themes of sacrifice, selflessness, humility, courage, duty, honor, are all aims that we strive for in our daily lives but we sometimes lose our focus. These mentors were around to instill a moral code in their pupils. When we don’t have a more experienced colleague to nudge us back into place, philosophy can serve as our guide, our champion.
The challenge, of course, is remembering to return to our philosophy the way we would call a friend in a time of despair. It’s not so much about fully embracing one philosophical (or religious) school—Stoicism or, say, Buddhism—but to take principles, practical wisdom that has been talked about throughout all of human history, and to utilize it in your life. Sometimes, we need a little “do this, not that.”
For example, after realizing that you had wasted your most creative hours manicuring your social media profiles, can you learn from that error? Can you admit to yourself, “I messed up. Time to get to work.” Or will you just blame writer’s block or some bogus excuse? Is there a specific quote or mantra or passage from a book that can help you refocus your energies to stop procrastinating and actually do the work? Or perhaps you have a hero that you look up to. Is that what they would do? Stumble around and blame the muse or actually sit down and work?
Roman philosopher Epictetus once said that a good philosophy is, “Self-scrutiny applied with kindness.” You must learn to face yourself, to admit mistakes, to learn from them, and to let that awareness motivate and change you. Because frankly, who else is responsible for the quality of your life? Above all, you have to be compassionate with yourself because this change is a slow and steady process, a struggle to override old habits and to ultimately form new ones that define who you become.
You must realize that this process of exercising self-awareness is increasingly difficult because everything from cultural influences to your ancient brain is fighting against you. It is far easier to throw a mental tantrum, to blame externalities, to flee from the painful reality of our flaws and mistakes.
***
The late, great Maya Angelou once said that, “When you know better, you do better.” Once you have made a mistake and learned from it, you are put in a position to act out your lessons learned. There’s a reason we’re told to keep a budget to fix financial woes, or to keep a food diary when trying to eat right: self-knowledge is power. Without a clear view of our mental landscape, it’s easy to fall back on bad habits, to repeat the same errors we did yesterday. (And even if we do, that’s just another opportunity to learn about ourselves.)
Self-improvement is not about finishing a book or a seminar. Self-awareness is a practice, a muscle that grows with time and effort that ultimately provides us strength. We are in a constant state of change, adapting to our cultural influences and our individual experiences. The more we learn to be conscious of our impulses, thoughts, and actions, while also keeping in mind our principles that foster practical wisdom, we can more easily become our best selves.
Wednesday, 7 January 2015
Wednesday, 17 December 2014
5 Ways to Succeed at Work by Enjoying Your Life Every Day
We don't realize how much what we do after work hours impacts our workday productivity, but your workday success hinges, in large part, on how you spend your time once you’ve left the office.
The following are five tips to ensure you not only have a fulfilling evening, but also the most productive tomorrow you’ve ever had.
1. Have a 'plan jam' every evening
1. Have a 'plan jam' every evening
The most important thing you can do to ensure your success is to plan for it, because planning your work is the most important work you do. And to plan effectively, you must review effectively. You can start by looking back on your day. What were the hits and misses? What did you learn and where do you need to follow-up? List out the most important tasks you have to complete tomorrow (your “crucial results”). If it makes sense, share these tasks with your team to ensure everyone is on the same page and is held accountable.
Once you’ve decided your crucial results for tomorrow, configure your calendar to reflect the blocks of time needed to accomplish those results. Include time for the meetings you’ve scheduled (and that you’ve prepared for), the “flex time” you’ll need to handle administrative tasks and the time-sensitive items you hadn’t planned for that will invariably show up. By doing this, you’ll wake-up with your subconscious dialed-in and “ready to rock.” That positive momentum is hard to stop.
2. Socialize and nurture relationships daily
2. Socialize and nurture relationships daily
Living a fulfilled and productive life means every day fitting in who and what you love and need, instead of “living for the weekend.” Trudging through five days to get to two days of freedom isn’t living. Instead, condense your ideal life into every 24 hours.
Your ideal day likely includes quality time with the people you love. Try participating in an activity together that nurtures your relationship and stimulates your brain. Converse, ask questions and explore life’s most interesting topics with one another.
3. Don’t wait, expand your horizons tonight
3. Don’t wait, expand your horizons tonight
Get involved in a social activity that is also educational, like going to dance lessons, enjoying live music, attending a networking event, going to the museum, etc. These things are not reserved just for Saturday and Sunday!
Give yourself the opportunity to recharge and expand your brain. Engaging in creative and educational activities outside of the scope of your profession is actually a smart business strategy. Stepping away from your work and engaging in something new can help you bring a new perspective to the office and ensure that you’re avoiding mental and emotional ruts.
4. Read and journal
4. Read and journal
If the thought of writing makes you twitch, drop the expectation and write just for you - it’s good for you, I promise! People who take just 15 to 20 minutes a day to journal their feelings tend to improve their health outcomes (physical and emotional) compared to those who don’t.
Take the time, right before bed, to journal and read. Journaling helps me get all thoughts out of my head, rids me of any anxieties, allows me to state my gratitude and prepares me to “crush” the following day (not to mention sleep soundly). Reading reminds me that learning is the most important thing in life, and it allows me enter sleep creatively and ready to explore an exciting tomorrow.
5. Rest up
5. Rest up
I know a lot of entrepreneurs who don’t get much sleep and I understand why. They’re busy disrupting industries, improving the world, changing the status quo and/or simply trying to make an entrepreneurial venture work! But sleep is not a necessary evil, it’s just plain necessary if you expect to be a high performer.
We can “hack” our ways to more productivity, but none of us should try to hack sleep. That just doesn’t work. I recommend getting as close to 7.5 hours of quality sleep a night as you can. You’re simply not going to be your best self if you’re running on low energy. Bragging about how little sleep you get isn’t cool (unless you’re in high school).
Now that you’ve packed fun, rejuvenation, bonding and creativity into your everyday, you’ll find that your work hours are more purposeful and productive. Don’t just get through the workday, thrive throughout your entire day.
Now that you’ve packed fun, rejuvenation, bonding and creativity into your everyday, you’ll find that your work hours are more purposeful and productive. Don’t just get through the workday, thrive throughout your entire day.
Monday, 1 December 2014
How to Reduce, Prevent, and Cope with Stress to Release Your Energy
It may seem that there’s nothing you can do about stress. The bills won’t stop coming, there will never be more hours in the day, and your career and family responsibilities will always be demanding. But you have more control than you might think. In fact, the simple realization that you’re in control of your life is the foundation of stress management. Managing stress is all about taking charge: of your thoughts, emotions, schedule, and the way you deal with problems.
Identify the sources of stress in your life
Stress management starts with identifying the sources of stress in your life. This isn’t as easy as it sounds. Your true sources of stress aren’t always obvious, and it’s all too easy to overlook your own stress-inducing thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Sure, you may know that you’re constantly worried about work deadlines. But maybe it’s your procrastination, rather than the actual job demands, that leads to deadline stress.To identify your true sources of stress, look closely at your habits, attitude, and excuses:
- Do you explain away stress as temporary (“I just have a million things going on right now”) even though you can’t remember the last time you took a breather?
- Do you define stress as an integral part of your work or home life (“Things are always crazy around here”) or as a part of your personality (“I have a lot of nervous energy, that’s all”).
- Do you blame your stress on other people or outside events, or view it as entirely normal and unexceptional?
Look at how you currently cope with stress
Think about the ways you currently manage and cope with stress in your life. Your stress journal can help you identify them. Are your coping strategies healthy or unhealthy, helpful or unproductive? Unfortunately, many people cope with stress in ways that compound the problem.Unhealthy ways of coping with stress
These coping strategies may temporarily reduce stress, but they cause more damage in the long run:
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Learning healthier ways to manage stress
If your methods of coping with stress aren’t contributing to your greater emotional and physical health, it’s time to find healthier ones. There are many healthy ways to manage and cope with stress, but they all require change. You can either change the situation or change your reaction. When deciding which option to choose, it’s helpful to think of the four As: avoid, alter, adapt, or accept.Since everyone has a unique response to stress, there is no “one size fits all” solution to managing it. No single method works for everyone or in every situation, so experiment with different techniques and strategies. Focus on what makes you feel calm and in control.
Stress management strategy #1: Avoid unnecessary stress
Not all stress can be avoided, and it’s not healthy to avoid a situation that needs to be addressed. You may be surprised, however, by the number of stressors in your life that you can eliminate.- Learn how to say “no” – Know your limits and stick to them. Whether in your personal or professional life, taking on more than you can handle is a surefire recipe for stress.
- Avoid people who stress you out – If someone consistently causes stress in your life and you can’t turn the relationship around, limit the amount of time you spend with that person or end the relationship entirely.
- Take control of your environment – If the evening news makes you anxious, turn the TV off. If traffic’s got you tense, take a longer but less-traveled route. If going to the market is an unpleasant chore, do your grocery shopping online.
- Avoid hot-button topics – If you get upset over religion or politics, cross them off your conversation list. If you repeatedly argue about the same subject with the same people, stop bringing it up or excuse yourself when it’s the topic of discussion.
- Pare down your to-do list – Analyze your schedule, responsibilities, and daily tasks. If you’ve got too much on your plate, distinguish between the “shoulds” and the “musts.” Drop tasks that aren’t truly necessary to the bottom of the list or eliminate them entirely.
Stress management strategy #2: Alter the situation
If you can’t avoid a stressful situation, try to alter it. Figure out what you can do to change things so the problem doesn’t present itself in the future. Often, this involves changing the way you communicate and operate in your daily life.- Express your feelings instead of bottling them up. If something or someone is bothering you, communicate your concerns in an open and respectful way. If you don’t voice your feelings, resentment will build and the situation will likely remain the same.
- Be willing to compromise. When you ask someone to change their behavior, be willing to do the same. If you both are willing to bend at least a little, you’ll have a good chance of finding a happy middle ground.
- Be more assertive. Don’t take a backseat in your own life. Deal with problems head on, doing your best to anticipate and prevent them. If you’ve got an exam to study for and your chatty roommate just got home, say up front that you only have five minutes to talk.
- Manage your time better. Poor time management can cause a lot of stress. When you’re stretched too thin and running behind, it’s hard to stay calm and focused. But if you plan ahead and make sure you don’t overextend yourself, you can alter the amount of stress you’re under.
Stress management strategy #3: Adapt to the stressor
If you can’t change the stressor, change yourself. You can adapt to stressful situations and regain your sense of control by changing your expectations and attitude.- Reframe problems. Try to view stressful situations from a more positive perspective. Rather than fuming about a traffic jam, look at it as an opportunity to pause and regroup, listen to your favorite radio station, or enjoy some alone time.
- Look at the big picture. Take perspective of the stressful situation. Ask yourself how important it will be in the long run. Will it matter in a month? A year? Is it really worth getting upset over? If the answer is no, focus your time and energy elsewhere.
- Adjust your standards. Perfectionism is a major source of avoidable stress. Stop setting yourself up for failure by demanding perfection. Set reasonable standards for yourself and others, and learn to be okay with “good enough.”
- Focus on the positive. When stress is getting you down, take a moment to reflect on all the things you appreciate in your life, including your own positive qualities and gifts. This simple strategy can help you keep things in perspective.
Stress management strategy #4: Accept the things you can’t change
Some sources of stress are unavoidable. You can’t prevent or change stressors such as the death of a loved one, a serious illness, or a national recession. In such cases, the best way to cope with stress is to accept things as they are. Acceptance may be difficult, but in the long run, it’s easier than railing against a situation you can’t change.- Don’t try to control the uncontrollable. Many things in life are beyond our control— particularly the behavior of other people. Rather than stressing out over them, focus on the things you can control such as the way you choose to react to problems.
- Look for the upside. As the saying goes, “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.” When facing major challenges, try to look at them as opportunities for personal growth. If your own poor choices contributed to a stressful situation, reflect on them and learn from your mistakes.
- Share your feelings. Talk to a trusted friend face to face or make an appointment with a therapist. The simple act of expressing what you’re going through can be very cathartic, even if there’s nothing you can do to alter the stressful situation. Opening up is not a sign of weakness and it won’t make you a burden to others. In fact, most friends will be flattered that you trust them enough to confide in them, and it will only strengthen your bond.
- Learn to forgive. Accept the fact that we live in an imperfect world and that people make mistakes. Let go of anger and resentments. Free yourself from negative energy by forgiving and moving on.
Stress management strategy #5: Make time for fun and relaxation
Beyond a take-charge approach and a positive attitude, you can reduce stress in your life by nurturing yourself. If you regularly make time for fun and relaxation, you’ll be in a better place to handle life’s stressors.Don’t get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of life that you forget to take care of your own needs. Nurturing yourself is a necessity, not a luxury.
- Set aside relaxation time. Include rest and relaxation in your daily schedule. Don’t allow other obligations to encroach. This is your time to take a break from all responsibilities and recharge your batteries.
- Connect with others. Spend time with positive people who enhance your life. A strong support system will buffer you from the negative effects of stress.
- Do something you enjoy every day. Make time for leisure activities that bring you joy, whether it be stargazing, playing the piano, or working on your bike.
- Keep your sense of humor. This includes the ability to laugh at yourself. The act of laughing helps your body fight stress in a number of ways.
Stress management strategy #6: Adopt a healthy lifestyle
You can increase your resistance to stress by strengthening your physical health.- Exercise regularly. Physical activity plays a key role in reducing and preventing the effects of stress. Make time for at least 30 minutes of exercise, three times per week. Nothing beats aerobic exercise for releasing pent-up stress and tension.
- Eat a healthy diet. Well-nourished bodies are better prepared to cope with stress, so be mindful of what you eat. Start your day right with breakfast, and keep your energy up and your mind clear with balanced, nutritious meals throughout the day.
- Reduce caffeine and sugar. The temporary "highs" caffeine and sugar provide often end in with a crash in mood and energy. By reducing the amount of coffee, soft drinks, chocolate, and sugar snacks in your diet, you’ll feel more relaxed and you’ll sleep better.
- Avoid alcohol, cigarettes, and drugs. Self-medicating with alcohol or drugs may provide an easy escape from stress, but the relief is only temporary. Don’t avoid or mask the issue at hand; deal with problems head on and with a clear mind.
- Get enough sleep. Adequate sleep fuels your mind, as well as your body. Feeling tired will increase your stress because it may cause you to think irrationally.
http://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/stress-management.htm
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