20 Things to Remember When Rejection Hurts

Be OK with walking away…

Rejection teaches you how to reject what’s not right for you.

As you look back on your life, you will realize that many of the times you thought you were being rejected from someone or something you wanted, you were in fact being redirected to someone or something you needed.

Seeing this when you’re in the midst of feeling rejected, however, is quite tough.  I know because I’ve been there.

As soon as someone critiques, criticizes, and pushes you away – as soon as you are rejected – you find yourself thinking, “Well, that proves once again that I’m not worthy.”  What you need to realize is, the other person or situation is NOT worthy of YOU and your particular journey.

Rejection is necessary medicine; it teaches you how to reject relationships and opportunities that aren’t going to work, so you can find the right ones that will.  It doesn’t mean you aren’t good enough; it just means someone else failed to notice what you have to offer.  Which means you now have more time to improve yourself and explore your options.

Will you be bitter for a moment?  Absolutely.  Hurt?  Of course, you’re human.  There isn’t a soul on this planet that doesn’t feel a small fraction of their heart break at the realization of rejection.  For a short time afterwards you will ask yourself every question you can think of…

• What did I do wrong?
• Why didn’t they care about me?
• How come?
• etc.

But then you have to let your emotions fuel you in a positive way!  This is the important part.  Let your feelings of rejection drive you, feed you, and inspire one heck of a powerful opening to the next chapter of your story.

Honestly, if you constantly feel like someone is not treating you with respect, check your price tag.  Perhaps you’ve subconsciously marked yourself down.  Because it’s YOU who tells others what you’re worth by showing them what you’re willing to accept for your time and attention.  So get off the clearance rack.  And I mean right NOW!  If you don’t value and respect yourself, wholeheartedly, no one else will either.

I know it’s hard to accept, but think about it…

All too often we let the rejections of our past dictate every move we make thereafter.  We literally do not know ourselves to be any better than what some intolerant person or shallow circumstance once told us was true.

It’s time to realize this and squash the subconscious idea that you don’t deserve any better.  It’s time to remind yourself that…

1. The person you liked, loved or respected in the past, who treated you like dirt again and again, has nothing intellectually or spiritually to offer you in the present moment, but headaches and heartache.

2. One of the most rewarding and important moments in life is when you finally find the courage to let go of what you can’t change, like someone else’s behavior or decisions. 

3. Life and God both have greater plans for you that don’t involve crying at night or believing that you’re broken.

4. The harsh truth is, sometimes you have to get knocked down lower than you have ever been to stand up taller and emotionally stronger than you ever were before.

5. It’s not the end of the world – it’s never the end of the world – and yet rejection can make the loss of someone or something you weren’t even that crazy about feel gut-wrenching and world-ending.

6. Sometimes people don’t notice the things we do for them until we stop doing them.  And sometimes the more chances you give, the more respect you lose.  Enough is enough.  Never let a person get comfortable with disrespecting you.  You deserve better.  You deserve to be with someone who makes you smile – someone who doesn’t take you for granted – someone who won’t leave you hanging.

7. Some chapters in our lives have to close without closure.  There’s no point in losing yourself by trying to fix what’s meant to stay broken.

8. Take a deep breath.  Inner peace begins the moment you decide not to let another person or event control your emotions.

9. You really can’t take things other people say about you too personally.  What they think and say is a reflection of them, not you.

10. Those with the strength to succeed in the long run are the ones who build themselves up with the bricks others have thrown at them. 

11. Let your scars remind you that the damage someone has inflicted on you has left you stronger, smarter and more resilient.

12. When you lose someone or something, don’t think of it as a loss, but as a gift that lightens your load so you can better travel the path meant for you.

13. You will never miss out on what is meant for you, even if it has to come to you in a roundabout way.  Stay focused.  Be positive.

14. Rejections and naysayers aren’t that important in the grand scheme of things; so don’t let them conquer your mind.  Step forward!  Seriously, most of us do not understand how much potential we have – we limit our aspirations to the level someone else told us was possible.

15. Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are. Don’t be one of them.  Ultimately, you are who you are when nobody’s watching.  Know this!  And dare to be yourself, however awkward, different or odd that self may prove to be to someone else.

16. Comparing yourself to others, or other people’s perceptions, only undermines your worth, your education and your own inner wisdom.  There’s no one who can handle your present situation better than YOU.

17. The more we fill our lives with genuine passion and purpose, the less time and energy we’ll waste looking for approval from everyone else.

18. You CAN use your struggles, frustrations, and rejections to motivate you rather than annoy you.  You are in control of the way you look at life.

19. Sometimes transitions in life are the perfect opportunity to let go of one situation to embrace something even better coming your way.

20. Right now is a new beginning.  The possibilities ahead are endless.  Be strong enough to let go, wise enough to move forward, diligent enough to work hard, and patient enough to wait for what you deserve.

Afterthoughts

All details aside, you don’t need anyone’s constant affection or approval in order to be good enough in this world.  When someone rejects or abandons or judges you, it isn’t actually about you.  It’s about them and their own insecurities, limitations, and needs.  So you don’t have to internalize any of it!  Your worth isn’t contingent upon other people’s acceptance of you – it’s something inherent.  You exist, and therefore you matter.  You’re allowed to be yourself.  You’re allowed to voice your thoughts and feelings.  You’re allowed to assert your needs.  You’re allowed to hold on to the truth that who you are is more than enough.  And you’re allowed to let go of anyone in your life who makes you feel otherwise.

http://www.marcandangel.com/2015/04/01/20-things-to-remember-when-rejection-hurts/#more-833

Master Your Emotional Health And Master Your Life

Emotional mastery is the key to living a life that you direct. The capacity to have absolute direct power over what you feel in every single moment—no matter what happens around you—is one of the most important skill sets you can have.

There are three forces in the world that determine what you feel. These forces are called the Triad. Together, these three patterns create any—and every—emotional state.Whatever you feel, you’re not feeling it because you have to feel it. You’re feeling it because you’ve chosen from the Triad. 

In order to master your emotions and consciously choose the emotions you want to live in, you need to understand these three forces and how to use them to your advantage.

#1: Physiology Emotion is created by motion. Whatever you’re feeling right now is directly related to how you’re using your body. If you slump your shoulders and lean your head forward, you’ll move toward a state of depression. However, the next time you find yourself in a negative state, stand up, throw your shoulders back and take a few deep breaths. You’ll find that you’re able to put yourself in a resourceful state. From this state, you can make stronger decisions and enjoy a sense of certainty that will keep you calm in the face of uncertainty.

#2: Language Language comes in many forms, one of which includes the questions you ask yourself, either aloud or inside your head. If you ask, “Why does this always have to happen to me?” you’ll create a much different set of emotions than if you asked, “How can I benefit from this?” or “Where’s the gift in this?” or “What’s humorous about this?”The language patterns you run play a significant role in the meaning you give a situation—and the emotion that situation creates in you. When you feel negative emotions taking over, look at the language surrounding your situation. How can you shift it to create a more empowering state?

#3: Focus Where focus goes, energy flows. And where energy flows, whatever you’re focusing on grows. In other words, your life is controlled by what you focus on. That’s why you need to focus on where you want to go, not on what you fear. When you next find yourself in a state of uncertainty, resist your fear. Shift your focus toward where you want to go and your actions will take you in that direction.

Understanding—and influencing—your Triad is the first step toward emotional mastery. When you can influence your emotions using the Triad, you can choose to spend more time in positive, resourceful emotional states. From these states, you’ll make the decisions that will help you reach your highest potential and enjoy your life in every moment.

http://training.tonyrobbins.com/master-your-emotional-health-and-master-your-life/

8 Ways to Spring Clean Your Life

Last week I took my daughter to New York City for spring break to look at colleges. But it didn’t feel one bit like spring.

In fact, it was so cold we were wearing winter coats and boots, wondering if nature was playing a cruel trick on us.

Even when we returned to Atlanta on Thursday, it was still cold and windy in spite of blossoms popping out on the trees and azalea bushes — a colorful shout of defiance against the abnormal springtime temps.

But this weekend — ah, it was absolutely perfect. It finally felt like spring had arrived with temperatures in the 70’s and a pale coating of yellow pine pollen on everything.

The arrival of spring always lightens my heart and soul. It feels like a new beginning, a fresh start that begs us to open our internal windows to release the stale and tired emotions we’ve carried all winter and allow a light breeze of peace and positivity to wash over us.

I know some of this lightness is just part of the seasonal change. The short days of winter, the lack of sunlight, the cold weather, and the time spent indoors makes us feel cranky at best and sometimes downright depressed. We tend to exercise less, eat heavier foods, and sleep more.

It’s amazing how the regenerative powers of sunshine, warm weather, and time outside can almost immediately restore your body and mind. You find yourself eager to clean out clutter, freshen up your home, and get a little exercise.

Internal cleaning

With a lighter heart and open mind, we also have the opportunity to spring clean our internal lives. We have the chance to hit the re-set button and start over with a shift in attitude and a reawakening to our values, dreams, and sense of purpose for our lives.

The concept of rebirth during the spring isn’t simply a religious or seasonal metaphor. Spring is the perfect time to recreate ourselves and blossom into the beautiful potential we envision for our lives.

Everything that happens in your outer life begins with your internal choices or lack thereof. When you are clear about who you want to be and how you wish to live your life, then your choices and actions become as easy and natural as a spring breeze.

Gaining that internal clarity first requires the awareness that it’s necessary. It requires you to step back, breathe deeply, and make the conscious decision to evolve, to activate your own metamorphosis.

Here are some ways you can begin the internal spring cleaning process.

1. Re-define your core values

I can’t stress enough how important it is to know your core values. These are the guiding principles of your life around which all decisions and actions should be measured. When you are clear on the values you hold most dear, then it is easy to discern where and how your life doesn’t support or reflect those values. You may have dozens of values, but you need to have a handful (maybe 5-10) that are the most important, non-negotiable driving principles of your life. Here’s a good list of values you can use as a thought-starter.

Your values can change over time. At one point in your life, adventure might be a core value and at another point it might be security or flexibility. This is a good time to clear out the old values and reinforce those that are important for your life now.

2. Restore your integrity

Are there areas of your life that don’t reflect your core values or where you are living out-of-alignment with your personal integrity? Perhaps it’s a relationship that is inappropriate or doesn’t serve you. Maybe you are accepting something in your job that rubs you the wrong way. Maybe there are parts of your lifestyle that feel inauthentic or meaningless.

Where do you feel your life and your sense of integrity don’t match up? What can you do to correct that?

3. Harmonize your close relationships

There are people in your life whom you love or care for deeply, but perhaps the relationship isn’t as strong as it could or should be. Maybe you’ve been distracted or neglectful. Or perhaps you’ve allowed someone to treat you poorly. Sometimes we allow our relationships to slip into periods of inattention or malaise. How can you bring more harmony, communication, attention, and love to your close relationships? What do you need to release in order to be a better partner, spouse, parent, or friend?

4. Shine up your attitude

After a winter of discontent, it becomes a habit to allow negativity to dominate our thoughts and words. We become so accustomed to complaining, worrying, and seeing the glass half empty that we are blinded to all of the beauty and joy we have access to right now, even in this very moment.

Use this time to shift your attention from all that is going wrong in your life to all that is going right. Allow gratitude and joy to move to the forefront of your thoughts, and actively seek to diminish the power and predominance of your worries and frustrations. Seek out goodness, beauty, love, humor, and positivity. Spend time with people who support this way of being and thinking.

5. Simplify your thinking

Sweep out extraneous distractions, projects, and tasks that drain your brain energy. Prioritize just a few main goals for each day, and allow yourself the time to focus on them deeply and thoroughly without being mentally or physically pulled in different directions. Visualize white space around each goal so you create plenty of room for imagination and critical thinking without anxiety or interruptions.

6. Change up your routines

Wipe away the old daily routines you’ve been following all winter long. Shake up your life a bit and create new routines and new ways of doing things. Our lives become boring and stale when we do the same things day in and day out. Even small changes, like going a different route to work or having your breakfast before your shower rather than after, can make you feel motivated and different.

But consider larger changes too — like meeting a new group of people, taking up a new hobby, or going on an adventure. Change challenges us and stretches us to become more interesting and self-aware.

7. Reclaim inner peace

There are so many circumstances and interactions that we allow to steal our sense of equanimity and inner peace. We become so attached to things and outcomes that we become deeply disturbed if don’t achieve or acquire what we think we must have. We allow the moods and words of other people to hurt or worry us. We grow defensive over perceived slights. We allow ourselves to remain in environments that are too loud, disruptive, or draining.

What is disrupting your inner peace? How can you clear away those things so you can enjoy more calm and contentment in your life?

8. Buff up your emotional intelligence

Part of on-going personal evolution requires that we demand increasing emotional maturity from ourselves. Emotional maturity simply means having control over your emotions rather than your emotions controlling you. It means being able to accept people and situations as they are without needing to change them. Ultimately, this allows you to experience the inner peace described above and to enjoy deeply satisfying relationships. Emotionally intelligent and mature people . .

• - know what they want and make it happen;

• - think before they act;

• - exhibit self-reliance and the ability to take personal responsibility;

• - have patience;

• - are able to connect with others in a cooperative and positive way;

• - are able to genuinely care about others and can demonstrate that;

• - exhibit honesty and can live by their principles;

• - have moderation and balance in all things;

• - have the ability to follow through, even when it is difficult;

• - can show humility and say “I’m sorry.”
• 
  

Just as spring is a time of renewal and rebirth year after year, we have the opportunity to renew ourselves — to become the best version of who we wish to be as we define it year after year.

As the weather gets warmer, the sun is shining, and the leaves and flowers are budding, open the windows and doors of your internal house and give your mind and spirit a thorough spring cleaning. As you clear out the old and unnecessary parts of your life, you will awaken to possibilities and joy you hadn’t noticed hiding under the dust bunnies of those cold winter months.

http://liveboldandbloom.com/04/lifestyle/8-ways-to-spring-clean-your-life