7 Things to Remember When You Feel Discouraged and Defeated

The worst enemy to productivity and creativity is self-pity.

This morning I didn’t feel like doing anything.  It’s a combination of exhaustion from a few days of hard work, and a lack of sleep.

I couldn’t motivate myself to do anything important, which is a rare occurrence for me.  I just felt completely discouraged and defeated.  I started overthinking things and doubting myself, and wondering whether anything I do is worthwhile.

I sat there in this funk for nearly an hour and wondered how to get out of it.  Should I just forget about today?  Should I just give up on this project, because I’m not as good at it as I thought I was?

That’s what I was considering, at least for a little while.  But the better part of me knew this mild state of depression was temporary, and so I dug into my own intellectual toolbox for solutions – little tricks of the mind that can have a real effect on reality.

Here’s what works for me – seven things to keep in mind (and do) when you feel discouraged and defeated:

1.  You are not the center of the universe (stop making it all about YOU).

I think we all have the tendency to put ourselves at the center of the universe, and see everything from the viewpoint of how it affects us.  But this can have all kinds of adverse effects, from feeling sorry for ourselves when things aren’t going exactly as planned, to doubting ourselves when we aren’t perfect.

So this morning, instead of worrying so much about myself, I thought about other people I might help.  Finding little ways to help others gets me out of my self-centered thinking, and then I’m not wallowing in self-pity anymore – I’m starting to think about what others need.  I’m not doubting myself, because the question of whether I’m good enough or not is no longer the central question.  The central question now is about what others need.

Thus, thinking about others instead of oneself helps solve feelings of discouragement and defeat.

2.  It is your resistance to ‘what is’ that causes your suffering (be present).

This morning my mind was ruminating about every time and place other than the time and place I was in.  When I caught myself doing this, I brought my focus back to the present.

Remember, happiness is allowing yourself to be perfectly OK with ‘what is,’ rather than wishing for and worrying about ‘what is not.’  ‘What is’ is what’s supposed to be, or it would not be.  The rest is just you, arguing with life.  Think about that for a minute.  This means your suffering only ever occurs when you resist how things are in the present.

Although you can’t control everything that happens to you; you can only control the way you respond to what happens.  In your response is your power.  In your power is your presence. 

3.  You are more than one thing (loosen up and stretch your identity).

We all have this picture in our minds of ourselves – this idea of what kind of person we are.  When this idea gets threatened, we react defensively.  People may question whether we did a good job, and this threatens our idea of being a competent person, so we become angry or hurt by the criticism.  Someone falsely accuses us of something and this threatens our idea that we’re a good person, and so we get angry and attack the other person.  My identity of myself as someone who’s motivated and productive and has great ideas… this was getting in the way this morning.  When I wasn’t productive, it made me feel defeated because I began subconsciously worrying that I wasn’t who I thought I was.

My solution was to realize that I’m not just one thing.  I’m not always productive – sometimes I am, but sometimes I’m unproductive too.  I’m not always motivated — sometimes I am, but other times I’m feeling lazy.  And obviously I don’t always have great ideas either – because that’s impossible.  The truth is, I can be many things, and remembering this helps me stretch my identity so it isn’t so fragile.  Then it doesn’t matter if someone thinks I didn’t do a good job – because I don’t always do a good job.  I make mistakes.  I am less than perfect.  And that’s perfectly OK.

4. Today is still a priceless gift (make the best of it).

I only have so many days left on Earth.  I don’t know how many that is, but I do know it’s a very limited number.  I know that each one of those limited days is a gift, a blessing… a miracle.  And that squandering this miracle is a crime – a horrible lack of appreciation for what I’ve been given.  And so, I reminded myself this morning that this day counts and that I still need to make the best of it.  That doesn’t mean I need to be hyper-productive or work myself into the ground, but that I should do something worthwhile.

Sometimes taking a break to nourish yourself is a worthwhile activity, because doing so allows you to regroup and do other worthwhile things.  But just sitting around in self-pity isn’t helpful.  So I got up and took my 8-month old son, Mac, for a long walk that we both enjoyed, and I came back feeling better. 

5.  Complaining is only making matters worse (find a solution).

When I get in a funk, I have a tendency to complain out loud to everyone around who’s close enough to hear me.  Obviously, this doesn’t help them, or me.  And as soon as I catch myself doing this, I force myself to shift gears.

The bottom line is that you will never get to where you want to be by complaining about where you are now.  Each step in your life is preparing you for the one that comes after it.  Complaining does not work as a strategy.  We all have limited time and energy.  Any amount of time we spend whining is unlikely to help us achieve anything worthwhile.  And it won’t make us any happier either.

If you took 10% of the energy you put into complaining and applied it to solving your present problem, you’d be surprised by how well and how fast things can work out.  (I forget this sometimes, which is why I’m writing it down again – to remind myself.)

Working as a life coach for the past decade with people who’ve suffered major trauma in their lives but found the courage to turn it around, I know we all have access to far more power, authority, and influence over our lives than we often believe.  When you stop complaining, and refuse to see yourself as a helpless victim, you’ll find that you are more powerful than you realized, but only if you choose to accept this reality.

6. Feeling discouraged and defeated is a sign that it’s time to make a change (make that change).

It could be a change of heart, a change in your perspective, or a change in your habits.  But the point in any case is that the way you are doing things is no longer working.

When we feel discouraged and defeated, typically our first instinct is to look outside of ourselves for someone or something to blame.  In reality, we ought to be looking at how we’re feeling, what we’re thinking, and how we plan to respond.

Your life is your responsibility.  While you can’t always change what’s outside of you, you can certainly change your perception of it.  And the funny thing is, when you change the way you look at things, the things themselves change, which paves the way for positive action.  

7.  Even the tiniest possible step is progress. (take a tiny step NOW).

It can be hard to get moving when you’re seriously stuck.  This is how I felt a decade ago when I was stuck in a rut after simultaneously losing two loved ones to illness and my breadwinning job.  It was really hard to motivate myself when I didn’t think I had the strength to push forward – when I felt insanely horrible and sorry for myself.  But I took one tiny step every day, and it felt good, and I got stronger.

That’s what I did this morning too – I took the tiniest possible step.  Just turning on my computer, opening up a document, and writing a single sentence.  Such an action is so small as to seem insignificant, and yet so easy as to be possible when I was feeling defeated.  And it showed me the next step was possible, and the next.  And the end result is this blog post you’re reading now.

Closing Thoughts

Yes, I’m still feeling out of it, but not defeated.  I’m feeling stronger, because I took these steps.

I know some of you feel the same way from time to time, maybe more often than you’d like to admit.  That’s OK.  We all do.  We aren’t machines, constantly charged up and ready to fire on all cylinders.  We are human, which means we falter, we doubt, and we feel pain sometimes.

And this too shall pass.

http://www.marcandangel.com/2015/03/15/7-things-to-remember-when-you-feel-discouraged-and-defeated/#more-821

7 Things You Should Insist On No Matter What People Say

Do more than just exist.  We all exist.  The question is: Do you live?

About 15 years ago, I had an intervention with myself.  I sat down at the local library on a Saturday morning and read through hundreds of archived entries in my journal.  Specifically, I was looking for all the unfulfilled goals and visions for the future that I had jotted down over the years.  And it didn’t take long before I realized that the entire course my life had taken up to that point had been the product of other people’s opinions and decisions.  Every day I was just going through the motions, and doing what I was “supposed” to do, instead of what was right for ME.

Fast forward to today, and as I awoke this morning, I marveled at my life.  Where once I woke with dread at the thought of a new day, now I wake with excitement to begin – grateful to be doing what I’m doing with my life.  I’m so happy I did what I had to do, and struggled through the tough times and fears, and realigned my life with the activities and ideals that make me feel alive.

I tell you this because I know life can get pretty crazy at times.  Sometimes it gets so busy that we forget how important it is to actually listen to ourselves, instead of others.  But I’m happy to tell you that things can change if you want them to, at any age.

Just as I’ve turned things around for myself, I know hundreds of other people who have done the same.  Through a decade of life, relationship, and small business coaching, I’ve witnessed people reinventing themselves at all ages – 48-year olds starting families, 57-year-olds graduating from college for the first time, 71-year-olds starting successful businesses, and so forth.

How did we do it?  We insisted upon making changes, and we followed through.

Above all, what you need to remember is happiness is dependent upon ourselves, and there are some things in life you have to insist on doing, no matter what others say about it.  For instance, you have to…

1. Insist on making your life your own. – Most of us are not raised to actively seek our calling.  We may not even know that we have one.  As kids, we are seldom told we have a place in life that is uniquely ours alone.  Instead, we are encouraged to believe that our life should somehow fulfill the expectations of others – that we should find our happiness exactly as they have found theirs.  Rather than being taught to ask ourselves who we are, we are trained to ask others for permission.  We are, in effect, schooled to live other people’s versions of our lives.  Every day is designed and developed as told to us by someone else!  And then one day when we break free to survey our dreams, seeking to fulfill ourselves, we see that most of our dreams have gone unfulfilled because we believed, and those around us believed, that what we wanted for ourselves was somehow beyond our reach.  It’s time to unlearn these lies and make changes.  It takes courage to grow wiser and become who you really are.  And today is the first day of the rest of your life.

2. Insist on subtracting what doesn’t belong in your life. – There’s so much you can let go of in life without losing a thing.  It’s called growth.  Letting go of the old makes way for the new.   Letting go of what isn’t working makes way for what will.  When the pain of holding on is worse than the pain of letting go, it’s time to let go and grow.  In other words, start subtracting… the habits, routines and circumstances that are holding you back.  You cannot discover new oceans unless you build up enough courage to lose sight of the old, familiar shoreline.  Be brave.  Follow your values.  Make changes.  Dare to be different.  And don’t be afraid to like it. 

3. Insist on making passion a priority. – Purpose is the reason you journey.  Passion is the fire that lights your way.  Without passion, it’s impossible to progress.  The heart of human excellence begins to beat when you discover a pursuit that absorbs you, frees you, challenges you, and gives you a sense of meaning.   Some resist this fact and think passion is just fluff.  Well that’s nonsense!  Honestly, the saddest people I’ve ever met in life are the ones who don’t have a deep passion about anything at all.  Passion and satisfaction go hand in hand, and without them, any happiness is only temporary, because there’s nothing meaningful behind it to make it last.  So remember, if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it.  Only passions – great passions – can elevate the soul to great heights.  If there was ever a moment to follow your heart and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.

4. Insist on working hard for what you want most. – Sometimes you’ve got to create what you want to be a part of from the ground up – you’ve got to work harder than ever before to get more than you ever dreamed of.  Be a dreamer.  Be a doer.  Know what is truly important to you and why.  Then act on it with all your might.  Dreams don’t just magically become realities; it takes a lot of determination, sweat, and hard work.  And remember, tough circumstances don’t last; tough people do.  Most obstacles melt away when we make up our minds to march boldly through them.  If you have a strong commitment to your goals and dreams, and wake up every morning with a burning passion to work toward them, anything is possible.  So dare to live the life you have dreamed for yourself.  Go forward and make your dreams a working reality.  

5. Insist on saying what you need to say. – Dr. Seuss once said, “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”  There’s a lot of truth in that statement.  Be cordial and reasonable, of course, but don’t tread carefully on every word you say.  Push your concerns of what others might think aside and say what you need to say.  Let the consequences of doing so unravel naturally.  What you’ll find is that most of the time no one will be offended or irritated at all.  And if they do get upset, it’s likely only because you’ve brought something important to their attention that forces them to think differently.  Bottom line: When you don’t speak up, there’s a lot of important stuff that never gets said.  And in the end, there’s no greater sadness than holding on to the words you never had the courage to speak.

6. Insist on leaving other people’s judgemental opinions alone. – When I first started writing on this blog, I’d agonize over whether people would think what I was writing was good enough.  I desperately hoped they’d like it, and oftentimes I’d catch myself imagining they didn’t.  Then one day I realized how much energy I was wasting worrying about it.  So I’ve gradually learned to relax with simply not knowing.  Some problems in life, such as not knowing what others think of you, are not really meant to be resolved.  How people perceive you may have more to do with them than you anyway.  They may even like or dislike you simply because you’ve triggered an association in their minds by reminding them of someone they liked or disliked from their past, which has absolutely nothing to do with you.  So here’s a new mantra for you – say it, and then say it again: “This is my life, my choices, my mistakes and my lessons.  As long as I’m not hurting people, I need not worry what they think of me.”

7. Insist on being as weird as you are. – It’s human nature to attempt to mimic other humans we look up to – perhaps a parental figure or a celebrity – especially when we are feeling insecure in our own skin.  But attempting to be someone else will always leave us feeling empty inside.  Why?  Because what we appreciate about the people we admire is their individuality – the qualities that make them unique.  To really copy them, we need to develop our own individuality, and in that way, we would actually be less like them and more like our true selves.  We all have quirks and a weirdness about us.  The more relaxed you become with your own differences, the more comfortable you will start to feel just being YOU.  Celebrate being different, off the beaten path, a little on the weird side… your own special creation.  If you find yourself feeling like a fish out of water, by all means find a new river to swim in.  But DO NOT change who you are; BE who you are.

http://www.marcandangel.com/2015/02/08/7-things-you-should-insist-on-no-matter-what-people-say/#more-814

The Day That Turns Your Life Around (Jim Rohn)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AoW_jAzZKcs

5 Bad Thoughts That Will Throw You Off Track

Break through's are made when we change the way we think, when we alter our beliefs and open our mind to its full and witty potential.

The definition of “thoughts” is “An idea or mental picture, imagined and contemplated by thinking or occurring suddenly in the mind.” I believe if you can harness and channel the right thoughts you will be unstoppable in any walk of life. These 5 thoughts are mistakenly carried out by the best of us at times and may be the reason why you cant reach that level of success you have been hoping for.

5 Common Bad Thoughts & How To Break Them

Perfectionism

We have all heard the saying ‘no one is perfect’ and in my opinion……thank God! Could you image a world with total perfection? It would be boring and there would be no thrill of risk and nothing better to strive for or look forward to.

I believe imperfection makes something beautiful, real and different and this is how most successful people in the world get to where they are now, by embracing their flaws/imperfections and putting everything they can into their passion!

Thomas Edison invented 3,000 duds before he invented the lightbulb. He himself did not call it failure. Instead, he said: “Any of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”

Taking imperfect action is the best starting point.

Comparing yourself to others

There is only one YOU and trying to be like anyone is a total waste of time I say!

Many entrepreneurs push you to follow your passion and to observe successful people and do what they do. I also believed this. Do what they do but do it in your own way; add your own personal flare and passion along with your high energy and action and you will succeed on your own accord and merit.

Everyone is unique so embrace YOU and concentrate on what you can, do not what others can do.

Thinking that you’re not ‘good enough’

Ok, so I am even a culprit of this at times however who are you or anyone else for that matter to say that you are not good enough?

I truly believe that your mind is the most powerful tool you have and thoughts become things! Start telling yourself that you are good enough, or better yet that you are too good and even if you don’t believe it, you will start to etch this out and create what once was just a vision.

We are all put on this earth for our own personal journeys and success’s and I know that no matter what anyone says, everyone has it in them to do anything they put their mind to! All you have to do is start believing it!

Doing too much at once

I read 10 books at a time and yes as thrilling as it is getting lost in 10 different stories and becoming one with all those different characters and adventures, it sure is hard to concentrate and focus on one at a time! How many books do you think I end up finishing? None!

This is a perfect example of why you concentrate on one thing at a time and don’t overload your plate with too many tasks at once. Even though it sounds fun and the excitement of wanting to finish so many things at once drives you to take everything on board, it really isn’t practical and you end up getting ¼ of everything done and finishing none of them.

Focus on one thing at a time and the satisfying feeling of accomplishing and moving forward will be enough of a reward to help you to successfully complete one thing at a time.

“But I” (Excuses excuses…)

The 5th and final rule is a ban on excuses! Everyone can find an excuse to do or not to do something, this is a known fact!

Excuses help us justify the doubts we already have about something so that the risk is lessened by a self belief for why we can’t do something.

However, I have a philosophy that everything works both ways so next time you find yourself making or finding an excuse why not to do something, change your way of thinking and force yourself to come up with an excuse as to why you SHOULD do that something!

Whenever I doubt something or find myself coming up with an excuse I ask myself this one little question:

What’s the worst that can happen?

Usually my answer to this is “It won’t work out the way I want it to” and if this is what happens then you know what not to do in the future or what to do when you try next time!

It’s all easier said than done and no one can help you unless you really want to help yourself  but one thing I do know is that we are all creatures of habit so if you start to forcefully change your way of thinking by following these rules then your body and mind will soon catch on and start to think differently in your favor, automatically!

http://addicted2success.com/motivation/5-bad-thoughts-that-will-throw-you-off-track/

Why Self-Awareness Is the Secret Weapon for Habit Change

More than we’d probably like to admit so many of our days are spent in a state of self-delusion, an internal monologue of justifying our actions, both good and bad. When we do something wrong, our evolutionary instincts kick in and we do anything we can to not acknowledge the obvious: sometimes, it’s all our fault.

T

he examples should sound familiar: We get necessary and helpful feedback from a boss or colleague, only to snarl under our breath, but failing to realize the foolishness on our end. We become aware of our declining efficiency, so instead of treating the disease we treat the symptoms and we chug coffee only to crash an hour later face-first into our keyboard (and then we go searching for productivity hacks because our workload is too high).

Over time, this becomes our routine, our default reaction, and we fail to stop and reflect on what we’re doing. To make it even more difficult, many of us don’t have the luxury of someone being accountable for us (who does?), helping us recognize our mistakes and their repercussions.

Catching ourselves before we engage in our typical default reactions is one of the greatest challenges of our lives, but when done relentlessly and with discipline and moments of reflection, mindfulness ensues. It’s human nature to first experience and then explain. How difficult it is to be in the midst of trolling, stopping yourself and admitting, “Wait a minute, I’m trolling right now because this person’s opinion just sucker-punched my ego, and I feel a visceral desire to tell this person they’re an idiot so I can feel better!” Instead, we hit send and then explain why we did it.

It’s human nature to first experience and then explain.

In the words of Harvard Business Review writer Anthony K. Tjan, “…there is one quality that trumps all, evident in virtually every great entrepreneur, manager, and leader. That quality is self-awareness. The best thing leaders can [do] to improve their effectiveness is to become more aware of what motivates them and their decision-making.” 

Taking pause, and allowing a moment of reflection where we gain clarity and realize our foolishness is so vital to cultivating self-awareness. You’re fighting against all your adaptive and evolutionary behaviors—your mind is hardwired to protect itself at all times—so instead of expending energy on fruitless actions for the sake of a damaged ego, you pause, reflect, and do what’s best for you.

Self-awareness is defined as conscious knowledge of oneself; it’s a stepping stone to reinventing oneself, learning to make wiser decisions, and helps you tune into your thoughts and feelings. So often we place blame on externalities because it’s the easiest excuse, when in fact we should be thinking about our thinking, reflecting, trying on different perspectives, and learning from our mistakes. 

The Roman philosopher Seneca once said, “For a person who is not aware that he is doing anything wrong has no desire to be put right. You have to catch yourself doing it before you can reform.” 

There isn’t one way to exercise self-awareness, and everyone will meet it in different ways, so below I will outline a few tactics that I hope will help you in this arduous yet equally rewarding practice. 

1. The pursuit of self-awareness is difficult and requires dedication.

“The force that can save the amateur is awareness, particularly self-awareness. But the amateur understands, however dimly, that if she truly achieved this knowledge, she would be compelled to act upon it. To act upon this self-awareness would mean defining herself, i.e., differentiating herself from the tribe and thus making herself vulnerable to rejection, expulsion, and all the other fears that self-definition elicits. ” — Steven Pressfield, Turning Pro

To be conscious of who you are, how you think, and what you do is invaluable because it leads to self-knowledge, and in turn, change. Perhaps this is why in practices like Alcoholics Anonymous and cognitive behavioral therapy they first help the individual become self-aware—to be conscious of their fears, thoughts, behaviors, mustering the courage to own it, and using that awareness to facilitate behavioral change. 

The dedication required to change our mind and behavior is the fight of our lives. It’s within human nature to habituate, to create routines, so that our brain exerts less effort and spends less energy. The potential danger in this is that we can get too comfortable doing the wrong things, and as Seneca previously said, if we are unaware of it we may have no desire to be put right.

What makes this pursuit particularly difficult is because it isn’t a popular topic of discussion in our culture. It’s not championed in the institutions that raise us. It is extremely difficult to humbly admit a shortcoming instead of fabricating a tale to mitigate the blow.

It is extremely difficult to humbly admit a shortcoming instead of fabricating a tale to mitigate the blow.

And there’s the crux of searching for self-awareness: Do we embrace the “ignorance is bliss” adage when a bright light shines on our flaws? Do we simply escape the reality of who are and let the tides of the day carry us adrift? Or we do face ourselves and move onward towards a path that allows us to reinvent ourselves to embrace our best, truest selves, regardless of how painful it may be at times? 

Don’t let those who have fallen into a comfortable groove tell you that this is how life is supposed to be lived. Reflect on your shortcoming, understand the source of its weakness, observe your own contributions or lack thereof, and deeply internalize the lesson so that next time you can play a bigger role. It’s going to be hard, because the mind will thrive to defend you from any opposing information or perspective. It will push for unrealistic attitudes to make you feel better because, hey, you need to survive. This isn’t only our default reaction, it’s simply human nature. 

2. Practice being self-reflective.

“Meditation is a rich and powerful method of study for anyone who knows how to examine his mind, and to employ it vigorously. I would rather shape my soul than furnish it. There is no exercise that is either feeble or more strenuous, according to the nature of the mind concerned, than that of conversing with one’s own thoughts. The greatest men make it their vocation, ‘those for whom to live is to think.’” — Montaigne, Essays

At the end of the day, before I go to sleep, I spend ten to twenty minutes meditating. What that really means is I sit there in the dark reflecting on my day, playing the events in my head and pinpointing where I made mistakes.

I ask myself a series of questions to help me digest my day: Did I do what was required of me? Why was I nervous when speaking to that stranger? What did I learn today that was useful? Was I kind to others, to myself? Did I exercise? Why did I check Instagram 10 times in the midst of company? When my friend was telling me a story, why did I tune out?

I do this in hopes that tomorrow I can approach the day with clarity and a better mindset and to acknowledge where I fell short so that I can improve. But you don’t have to meditate in the sense that you’re sitting cross-legged with your eyes closed. You can journal your thoughts. You can simply think out loud while pacing around your room. You can discuss it with a close friend, asking them for their perspective so it can shine a light on your misperceptions.

Self-reflection can take place anywhere at any time. After a heated debate or after realizing a failure, stop yourself from reacting emotionally (which is difficult, for sure). Instead, reflect on the event, look at the individual parts, and be curious as to why it didn’t work out. Seek to understand, not to be right. Where are the faults? What was missed? What piece of the puzzle is missing to help you understand, to alleviate the frustrations, to put the event into perspective? In these moments you’re filled with insecurities and misperceptions. This is far more helpful for devising a solution than ranting and complaining. 

Seek to understand, not to be right.

3. Have a philosophical foundation to return to.

“To be a philosopher is not merely to have subtle thoughts, nor even to found a school . . . it is to solve some of the problems of life, not only theoretically, but practically.” — Henry David Thoreau

If you look at any story where the hero is aided by a wise teacher—Luke Skywalker and Yoda; Frodo and Gandalf; Harry Potter and Dumbledore; the grandmaster and the novice; the general and the soldier—what we’re seeing is the teaching of practical wisdom from teacher to student. The common themes of sacrifice, selflessness, humility, courage, duty, honor, are all aims that we strive for in our daily lives but we sometimes lose our focus. These mentors were around to instill a moral code in their pupils. When we don’t have a more experienced colleague to nudge us back into place, philosophy can serve as our guide, our champion. 

The challenge, of course, is remembering to return to our philosophy the way we would call a friend in a time of despair. It’s not so much about fully embracing one philosophical (or religious) school—Stoicism or, say, Buddhism—but to take principles, practical wisdom that has been talked about throughout all of human history, and to utilize it in your life. Sometimes, we need a little “do this, not that.” 

For example, after realizing that you had wasted your most creative hours manicuring your social media profiles, can you learn from that error? Can you admit to yourself, “I messed up. Time to get to work.” Or will you just blame writer’s block or some bogus excuse? Is there a specific quote or mantra or passage from a book that can help you refocus your energies to stop procrastinating and actually do the work? Or perhaps you have a hero that you look up to. Is that what they would do? Stumble around and blame the muse or actually sit down and work?

Roman philosopher Epictetus once said that a good philosophy is, “Self-scrutiny applied with kindness.” You must learn to face yourself, to admit mistakes, to learn from them, and to let that awareness motivate and change you. Because frankly, who else is responsible for the quality of your life? Above all, you have to be compassionate with yourself because this change is a slow and steady process, a struggle to override old habits and to ultimately form new ones that define who you become. 

You must realize that this process of exercising self-awareness is increasingly difficult because everything from cultural influences to your ancient brain is fighting against you. It is far easier to throw a mental tantrum, to blame externalities, to flee from the painful reality of our flaws and mistakes.

                                                                      ***

The late, great Maya Angelou once said that, “When you know better, you do better.” Once you have made a mistake and learned from it, you are put in a position to act out your lessons learned. There’s a reason we’re told to keep a budget to fix financial woes, or to keep a food diary when trying to eat right: self-knowledge is power. Without a clear view of our mental landscape, it’s easy to fall back on bad habits, to repeat the same errors we did yesterday. (And even if we do, that’s just another opportunity to learn about ourselves.) 

Self-improvement is not about finishing a book or a seminar. Self-awareness is a practice, a muscle that grows with time and effort that ultimately provides us strength. We are in a constant state of change, adapting to our cultural influences and our individual experiences. The more we learn to be conscious of our impulses, thoughts, and actions, while also keeping in mind our principles that foster practical wisdom, we can more easily become our best selves. 

http://99u.com/articles/30437/its-all-our-fault-self-awareness-as-a-secret-weapon-for-habit-change