20 Things to Remember When Rejection Hurts

Be OK with walking away…

Rejection teaches you how to reject what’s not right for you.

As you look back on your life, you will realize that many of the times you thought you were being rejected from someone or something you wanted, you were in fact being redirected to someone or something you needed.

Seeing this when you’re in the midst of feeling rejected, however, is quite tough.  I know because I’ve been there.

As soon as someone critiques, criticizes, and pushes you away – as soon as you are rejected – you find yourself thinking, “Well, that proves once again that I’m not worthy.”  What you need to realize is, the other person or situation is NOT worthy of YOU and your particular journey.

Rejection is necessary medicine; it teaches you how to reject relationships and opportunities that aren’t going to work, so you can find the right ones that will.  It doesn’t mean you aren’t good enough; it just means someone else failed to notice what you have to offer.  Which means you now have more time to improve yourself and explore your options.

Will you be bitter for a moment?  Absolutely.  Hurt?  Of course, you’re human.  There isn’t a soul on this planet that doesn’t feel a small fraction of their heart break at the realization of rejection.  For a short time afterwards you will ask yourself every question you can think of…

• What did I do wrong?
• Why didn’t they care about me?
• How come?
• etc.

But then you have to let your emotions fuel you in a positive way!  This is the important part.  Let your feelings of rejection drive you, feed you, and inspire one heck of a powerful opening to the next chapter of your story.

Honestly, if you constantly feel like someone is not treating you with respect, check your price tag.  Perhaps you’ve subconsciously marked yourself down.  Because it’s YOU who tells others what you’re worth by showing them what you’re willing to accept for your time and attention.  So get off the clearance rack.  And I mean right NOW!  If you don’t value and respect yourself, wholeheartedly, no one else will either.

I know it’s hard to accept, but think about it…

All too often we let the rejections of our past dictate every move we make thereafter.  We literally do not know ourselves to be any better than what some intolerant person or shallow circumstance once told us was true.

It’s time to realize this and squash the subconscious idea that you don’t deserve any better.  It’s time to remind yourself that…

1. The person you liked, loved or respected in the past, who treated you like dirt again and again, has nothing intellectually or spiritually to offer you in the present moment, but headaches and heartache.

2. One of the most rewarding and important moments in life is when you finally find the courage to let go of what you can’t change, like someone else’s behavior or decisions. 

3. Life and God both have greater plans for you that don’t involve crying at night or believing that you’re broken.

4. The harsh truth is, sometimes you have to get knocked down lower than you have ever been to stand up taller and emotionally stronger than you ever were before.

5. It’s not the end of the world – it’s never the end of the world – and yet rejection can make the loss of someone or something you weren’t even that crazy about feel gut-wrenching and world-ending.

6. Sometimes people don’t notice the things we do for them until we stop doing them.  And sometimes the more chances you give, the more respect you lose.  Enough is enough.  Never let a person get comfortable with disrespecting you.  You deserve better.  You deserve to be with someone who makes you smile – someone who doesn’t take you for granted – someone who won’t leave you hanging.

7. Some chapters in our lives have to close without closure.  There’s no point in losing yourself by trying to fix what’s meant to stay broken.

8. Take a deep breath.  Inner peace begins the moment you decide not to let another person or event control your emotions.

9. You really can’t take things other people say about you too personally.  What they think and say is a reflection of them, not you.

10. Those with the strength to succeed in the long run are the ones who build themselves up with the bricks others have thrown at them. 

11. Let your scars remind you that the damage someone has inflicted on you has left you stronger, smarter and more resilient.

12. When you lose someone or something, don’t think of it as a loss, but as a gift that lightens your load so you can better travel the path meant for you.

13. You will never miss out on what is meant for you, even if it has to come to you in a roundabout way.  Stay focused.  Be positive.

14. Rejections and naysayers aren’t that important in the grand scheme of things; so don’t let them conquer your mind.  Step forward!  Seriously, most of us do not understand how much potential we have – we limit our aspirations to the level someone else told us was possible.

15. Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are. Don’t be one of them.  Ultimately, you are who you are when nobody’s watching.  Know this!  And dare to be yourself, however awkward, different or odd that self may prove to be to someone else.

16. Comparing yourself to others, or other people’s perceptions, only undermines your worth, your education and your own inner wisdom.  There’s no one who can handle your present situation better than YOU.

17. The more we fill our lives with genuine passion and purpose, the less time and energy we’ll waste looking for approval from everyone else.

18. You CAN use your struggles, frustrations, and rejections to motivate you rather than annoy you.  You are in control of the way you look at life.

19. Sometimes transitions in life are the perfect opportunity to let go of one situation to embrace something even better coming your way.

20. Right now is a new beginning.  The possibilities ahead are endless.  Be strong enough to let go, wise enough to move forward, diligent enough to work hard, and patient enough to wait for what you deserve.

Afterthoughts

All details aside, you don’t need anyone’s constant affection or approval in order to be good enough in this world.  When someone rejects or abandons or judges you, it isn’t actually about you.  It’s about them and their own insecurities, limitations, and needs.  So you don’t have to internalize any of it!  Your worth isn’t contingent upon other people’s acceptance of you – it’s something inherent.  You exist, and therefore you matter.  You’re allowed to be yourself.  You’re allowed to voice your thoughts and feelings.  You’re allowed to assert your needs.  You’re allowed to hold on to the truth that who you are is more than enough.  And you’re allowed to let go of anyone in your life who makes you feel otherwise.

http://www.marcandangel.com/2015/04/01/20-things-to-remember-when-rejection-hurts/#more-833

10 Courageous Ways to Live Life Without Regrets

“Life is inherently risky.  There is only one big risk you should avoid at all costs, and that is the risk of doing nothing.”
―Denis Waitley

Have you ever wondered what gives some people the willingness to move without fear or hesitation?

They do things you believe you can’t do because you’re afraid of the outcome, of the unknown, of the pain.

You see people who can let go of things that might matter to them, and move on with their lives without struggling too much.  You see people who can quit or change their jobs, end difficult relationships, and travel around the world, just like that.

Sometimes you regret not trying harder to follow in the footsteps.  And you wonder…

What do these people have that I don’t?  What’s their secret?

Well, I’ve studied the lives of dozens of courageous (and also successful) people over the years, and I’m happy to share these time-tested strategies for courageously living your life without regrets:

1. Be as weird as you are. – Don’t be afraid to provoke the status quo.  Maybe some of your ideas are crazy.  But crazy ideas are what shake the world.  Crazy ideas make revolutions.  So don’t be afraid to be different, and don’t be afraid to break traditions.  Sure, some people will be frustrated and opposed to your weirdness.  Some people might even criticize you.  But even if it takes time for them to embrace your ideas, you’re showing them a new way of thinking.  You’re planting a seed in their heads and opening their minds – and you’re opening your own mind too.  The minute you understand that you can be weird and mold life your own way, you allow yourself to shake off the erroneous notion that life is just there, and that you’re just going to exist in it, rather than embrace it, change it, improve it, and truly live it.

2. Choose to act even when you’re unsure of your ability. – Everyone has doubts about their abilities.  You might think you’re not good enough, not smart enough, or not strong enough.  And it’s OK if you’re not great at something, because you don’t have to be.  It doesn’t matter if you don’t do things perfectly either.  What matters is that you dare to try.  Instead of looking at the end result (the big picture), divide your project into pieces and tackle the piece you feel most comfortable with first.  You need to be content with small steps in life.  Honestly, that’s all life is – small steps that you take every day, and then one day when you look back down the road it all adds up and you know you covered some serious distance.

3. Fearlessly follow your intuition. – Intuition is seeing with the soul.  It’s about giving your God-given instincts a say in the matter.  Of course, at first this may seem irrational.  You might think the more you over-analyze, the more you’ll make good decisions, right?  But more often than not, doing so can actually lead you to make poorer decisions.  Exclusively using your rational mind, or relying on your ego, keeps you safe and secure – meaning there’s no room to take calculated risks and learn and grow from them.  Using your rational mind 24/7 allows your fears to overcome you.  And those fears can cloud the signals that your body – that powerful communicator and receptor – sends you.  So you need to be in the present and pay attention to your body’s sensations: tightness in the chest, goose bumps, odours, visions, etc.  That’s your intuition!  Don’t be afraid to make decisions that seem a little irrational from the outside, yet feel totally right on the inside.

4. Stand up for your values (even at the risk of rejection). – Never compromise your values.  Don’t let the fear of being rejected stop you from affirming what’s important to you.  The right people will respect you more and hold you in higher regard if you’re rigorous about your principles, if you’re honest, and if you stay consistent about what you believe in.  This is a powerful way to solidify your relationships and to gain mutual trust… Maybe not in the beginning, but in the long run.  Furthermore, standing up for your values instantly makes you a leader, as it’s the most heroic quality one can aspire to.

5. Speak your mind even if your voice shakes. – At times, you may think your word has no weight.  But it does (regardless of how miniscule you may think it is).  Your opinion will be an eye-opener for some people, and it will be a source of liberation for others.  We all have an altruist nature buried within.  We all want to help the people around us in some way.  So instead of being stuck in your mind, ask yourself how your thoughts and words might help the ones around you, and focus on them instead of the ones you believe might judge you.  Let people take you as you are, or not at all.  By being yourself, you put something beautiful into the world that was not there before.  And this helps everyone who’s worth helping (including YOU).

6. Be willing to be vulnerable. – Nothing is wrong with telling someone else how you truly feel.  Sharing something personal makes you stronger in people’s eyes, and most importantly in your own.  Being able to show the real you when most people would rather hide behind a fake mask is an admirable quality.  So don’t be ashamed to shed a tear.  Being vulnerable only shows that you’re able to face the truth – even the hard truth – with dignity.  Open yourself up.  Allow yourself to feel, to be mindful and authentic.  Tear down any emotional brick walls you have built around yourself and experience every exquisite emotion, both good and bad.  This is real life.

7. Be willing to be judged. – Don’t let fear of embarrassment stop you from trying something new.  Sometimes we withhold ourselves from novelty because we’re afraid some people might call us silly or stupid.  Shying away from trying something new stops your growth and your evolution.  It stops you from acquiring new skills and knowledge.  And life is a continuous school.  Don’t miss out on opportunities to learn something enriching.  If you think your new project might seem ridiculous to some people, turn those thoughts around in a funny or a disarming way, and go ahead and take the classes that interest you.  And if people judge you for it, feel sorry for them, for simple minds are usually amused by simple things. 

8. Admit when you’re wrong. – You would think that pride is a positive emotion, but it’s not when it’s excessive.  Excessive pride is a reaction to insecurity.  So when you know you’re wrong, instead of trying to protect your self-esteem in the eyes of others, hold your tongue for two minutes, take a deep breath, and find the lesson.  Consider the fact that being wrong is OK, and then admit that you are wrong.  Yes, it’s hard.  Yes, it takes strength to admit it, but it makes you more humble and commendable.  And even more importantly, realize that when you’re wrong, you’re meant to be wrong so that you may outgrow the things you need to outgrow.

9. End hurtful relationships. – One of the very hardest parts of loving someone: You have to give things up for them.  And sometimes, you even have to give them up.  Of course, it’s always difficult to let go of someone you care about (or cared about) without getting hurt in the process.  Even if this person has hurt you a hundred times, you start thinking of all these what ifs – these maybes about the future.  But that’s just the thing… there’s nothing concrete and reliable about these feelings and fantasies.  The reality of their actions has disproven them.  When someone shows you their true colors time and time again, it’s best to believe them and carry on without them. 

10. Forgive (even when you’ve been deeply hurt). – Forgiveness isn’t holding on to someone who hurt you; it’s coming to peace with what happened and moving forward with your life, one way or the other.  Some of us have a tendency to hold grudges against people.  We’re unable to let go of the past.  But grudges are a toxic emotion – an emotion that can rot inside you and turn you into a bitter, egotistical zombie.  Know that pain is short-lived.  Emotional pain is a call to acknowledge it and address it, instead of letting it get the best of you.  In fact, forgiveness is the sweetest revenge.  If you can forgive someone who did you wrong, you’re at least one step ahead of them in the karma department, and one step ahead of everyone else who’s still holding on to old grudges that are holding them back.

Closing Thoughts

Life is not about maintaining the status quo.

Life is not about playing it safe.

Life is not about standing still.

It’s about connecting with your soul, respecting your integrity, and telling yourself that you’re able.  It’s about taking a few steps, regardless of how little they may be, so you can move forward, and evolve.

That’s why you were put here on this earth: to grow.  You can be challenged, scared, and stretched to your limits, but taking action will make you feel gratified beyond belief.

And the best part is: You become more decisive, more playful, and more vigorous.

So don’t be afraid to let go of your inhibitions.  Don’t be afraid to be disappointed.  Don’t be afraid to get hurt.

Ask yourself about the costs and implications of not taking action.  Then think of the new possibilities that could arise if you do dare to act.

Be daring and courageous!

Get moving and live it!

This is your one shot…

Take it, today!

http://www.marcandangel.com/2015/03/11/10-courageous-ways-to-live-life-without-regrets/#more-825

4 Toxic Behaviours that Tear Couples Apart & 4 Flourishing Behaviours that Keep Them Together

The best relationships are the best not because they have always been the happiest, but because they have stayed strong through the mightiest of storms.

Over the years, through our coaching practice and premium course, we have worked with thousands of individuals and couples looking to fix their failing relationships, and we’ve learned a lot about what it takes to make this happen.

Whether you’re working to fix your marriage, a dating relationship, or a friendship, there are lots of little things you can do to keep your relationship on track.  And since we’ve recently covered many of these healthy relationship strategies, today I want to take a quick look at the flipside – the most common toxic behaviors that tear relationships apart.

To start, I can honestly say that Marc and I can listen to a couple talk for 30 minutes and determine, with close to 90% accuracy, whether they’re relationship will last in the long run (without major changes being made).  The reason we can do this is simple: Most failing/failed relationships suffer from the same four basic behavioral issues…

1. Condemnation of a person’s character – Complaints are fine.  Disagreements are fine too.  These are natural, focused reactions to a person’s decisions or behavior.  But when complaints and disagreements snowball into global attacks on the person, and not on their decisions or behavior, this spells trouble.  For example: “They didn’t call me when they said they would because they forgot, but because they’re a horrible, wretched human being.”

2. Hateful gestures – Frequent name-calling, threats, eye-rolling, belittling, mockery, hostile teasing, etc…  In whatever form, gestures like these are poisonous to a relationship because they convey hate.  And it’s virtually impossible to resolve a relationship problem when the other person is constantly getting the message that you hate them.

3. Denying responsibility – When you deny responsibility in every relationship dispute, all you’re really doing is blaming your partner.  You’re saying, in effect, “The problem is never me, it’s always you.”  This denial of responsibility just escalates the argument, because there’s a complete breakdown of communication. 

4. The silent treatment – Tuning out, ignoring, disengaging, refusing to acknowledge, etc…  All variations of the silent treatment don’t just remove the other person from the argument you’re having with them, it ends up removing them, emotionally, from the relationship you have with them.

The key thing to remember is…

Differences of opinion (even major ones) don’t destroy relationships – it’s how a couple deals with their inevitable differences that counts.

Couples waste years trying to change each other’s mind, but this can’t always be done, because many of their disagreements are rooted in fundamental differences of opinion, personality, or values.  By fighting over these deep seeded differences, all they succeed in doing is wasting their time and running their relationship into the ground.

So how do people in healthy relationships deal with issues that can’t be resolved?

They accept one another as is.  These couples understand that problems are an inevitable part of any long-term relationship, in the same way chronic physical difficulties are inevitable as we grow older and wiser.  These problems are like a weak knee or a bad back – we may not want these problems, but we’re able to cope with them, to avoid situations that irritate them, and to develop strategies that help us deal with them.  Psychologist Dan Wile said it best in his book After the Honeymoon: “When choosing a long-term partner, you will inevitably be choosing a particular set of unsolvable problems that you’ll be grappling with for the next 10, 20 or 50 years.”

Bottom line: Acceptance of one another is of vital importance to every couple.

What else makes a relationship flourish in the long run?

Again, we have written a lot about this already.  But I want to give you a slightly different perspective by eliminating the details and narrowing it down to four key fundamentals:

1. Truly knowing each other is vital. – Healthy couples are intimately familiar with each other’s evolving stories.  These couples make plenty of emotional room for their relationship, which means they sincerely listen to each other, they remember the major events each other have been through, and they keep up-to-date as the facts and feelings of their partner’s reality changes.  The key thing to remember is that nothing you can give is more appreciated than your sincere, focused attention – your full presence.  Being with your partner, listening without a clock and without anticipation of the next event is the ultimate compliment.  It is indeed the most valued gesture you can make to them, and it arms you with the information you need to truly know them and support them in the long run.

2. Relationship issues must be worked out with each other, not others. – This may seem obvious, but these days it’s worth mentioning:  NEVER post negatively about a loved one on social media.  Fourteen-year-old school kids post negatively about their boyfriends, girlfriends and friends on social media.  It’s a catty way to get attention and vent, when the emotionally healthy response is to talk your grievances over with them directly when the time is right.  Don’t fall into the trap of getting others on your side, because healthy relationships only have one side.  Furthermore, relationships don’t always make sense, especially from the outside.  So don’t let outsiders run your relationship for you.  If you’re having a relationship issue with your partner, work it out with THEM and no one else.  

3. Using positive language in arguments saves lots of grief. – Relationships flourish when both people are able to share their innermost feelings and thoughts in a positive way.  One effective method of doing this during an argument is to do your best to avoid using the word “you” and try to use the word “I” instead.  This makes it much easier to express feelings and much harder to inadvertently attack the other person.  So… Instead of saying, “You are wrong,” try saying, “I don’t understand.”  Instead of telling them, “You always…” try saying “I often feel…”  It’s a subtle shift that can make a dig difference.

4. A mutual willingness to make sacrifices must be present. – Intimate bonds are tied with true love, and true love involves attention, awareness, discipline, effort, and being able to care about someone and sacrifice for them, continuously, in countless petty little unsexy ways, every day.  You put your arms around them and love them regardless, even when they’re not very lovable.  And of course they do the same for you.  If you want to know what a healthy relationship is, it’s one where two people wake up every morning and say, “This is worth it.  You all are worth it.  I am happy you are in my life.”  It’s about sacrifice.  It’s about knowing that some days you will have to do things you dislike to make the one you love smile, and feeling perfectly delighted to do so.

Afterthoughts

The best relationships are not just about the good times you share, they’re also about the obstacles you go through together, and the fact that you still say “I love you” in the end.  And loving someone isn’t just about saying it every day, it’s showing it every day through your actions and behaviors.

http://www.marcandangel.com/2015/03/05/4-toxic-behaviors-that-tear-couples-apart/#more-822

9 Things You Should Be Able to Say About Your Life

“May you live every day of your life.”
―Jonathan Swift

I just received an email from a young reader named Diane that nearly brought me to tears.  The opening lines of her email read: “I’m dying of Leukemia at age 18.  I was sent home from the hospital for my final few weeks 156 days ago.  But now I’m back at the hospital being treated again, because my doctors now believe there is hope.”

I pray a miracle continues to work on Diane’s behalf, and I’m also selfishly grateful for the reminder she has given me.  Our lives are fleeting, and the best day to fight for the right to live a full life is today.  For those of us lucky enough to have our health, this means doing something amazing today.  And by “amazing,” I mean taking small, positive steps forward on a purposeful path.

Because everything you want to do takes daily practice.  Whether it means to learn to dance by practicing dancing or to learn to live by practicing living, the principles are the same.  In each, it’s the performance of a dedicated precise set of acts, mental and physical, from which comes the sense of achievement, clarity of one’s meaning, and a satisfaction of the inner spirit.  One becomes, in some way, an athlete of Life itself.  And practice means to perform, over and over again in the face of all obstacles, some act of vision, faith, or desire.  It’s the only means of lifelong fulfillment.

As Mae West so profoundly said, “You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”

And you know you’re on the right track when you can repeat each of the following headlines to yourself, honestly.  (And if you can’t, this short list gives you something positive to work on.)

1. I have kept an open mind to new ideas and experiences. – As they say, a ship is safe in harbor, but that’s not what ships are for.  Accepting some level of risk in life is important.  You cannot be both close-minded and wise.  You have to open up to the unknown.  Close-minded people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are mostly just cynics.  Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it’s the farthest thing from it.  Because cynics don’t learn anything.  Cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a rejection of the world that occurs when we’re afraid it will hurt us or let us down.  Cynics always say “no.”  Do the opposite.  Saying “yes” begins things.  Saying “yes” is how things grow.  Saying “yes” leads to firsthand experience and knowledge.  “Yes” is for strong, open-minded people.  So for as long as you have the strength to, say “yes.”

2. I am following my heart and intuition. – Don’t be pushed by your problems.  Be led by your dreams.  Live the life you want to live.  Be the person you want to remember years from now.  Make decisions and act on them.  Make mistakes, fail and try again.  Even if you fail a thousand times, at least you won’t have to wonder what could have been.  At least you will know in your heart that you gave your dreams your best shot.  Each of us has a fire in our hearts burning for something.  It’s our responsibility in life to find it and keep it lit.  Because it’s far better to fail in originality, our own way, than to succeed in imitation every day of our lives. 

3. I am being honest with myself. – Be honest about what’s right, as well as what needs to be changed.  Be honest about what you want to achieve and who you want to become.  Be honest with every aspect of your life, always.  Because you are the one person you can forever count on.  Own your choices, and be willing to take the necessary steps to improve upon them.  Either you take accountability for your life or someone else will.  And when they do, you will become an instrument of their ideas and dreams instead of a pioneer of your own.

4. I am making a difference. – Act as if what you do makes a difference.  It does.  Is it true that we all live to serve?  That by helping others we fulfill our own destiny?  The answer is a simple “yes.”  When you make a positive impact in someone else’s life, you also make a positive impact in your own life.  Do something that’s greater than you – something that helps someone else to be happy or to suffer less.  You are only one, but you are one.  You cannot do everything, but you can do something.

5. I don’t need anyone else to complete me. – There’s far more to life than finding someone who will want you, or getting upset over someone who won’t.  There’s a lot of important time to be spent discovering yourself without begging someone to fall in love with you along the way… and this journey doesn’t need to be empty or painful.  YOU need to fill yourself up with love – self-love – first.  Become a whole being on your own.  Go on adventures, explore your passions, wander around the city and see new sights, sit in coffee shops and read, write on bathroom stalls, leave notes in library books, dress up for yourself, give to others who can’t pay you back, smile and have fun.  Do all things with love, but don’t romanticize life like you can’t survive without someone giving it to you every second.  You can.  And once you give it to yourself, you will feel healed, and you will ultimately open yourself up to the possibility of healthy relationships with others. 

6. I have been brave enough to be vulnerable. – So many of us feel alone, even when we’re surrounded by others we call friends and family.  Inside, regardless of present company, we feel misunderstood and scared.  We worry that telling people about our fears will make them think less of us.  We wonder if anyone else feels the same way we do.  We convince ourselves that we’re weird, that no one else hears the voices in their head, that we’re the only one who needs a hug.  Well wake up!  YOU aren’t alone.  Be brave enough to open up to those you love, and you’ll see that I’m right.  Tear down any emotional brick walls you have built around yourself.  Owning your story can be hard, but not nearly as difficult as spending your life running from it.  Embracing your vulnerability is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and friendship and personal growth – the life experiences that require you to be the most vulnerable.

7. I have forgiven those who once hurt me. – We’ve all been hurt by another person at some point or another – we were treated badly, trust was broken, hearts were hurt.  And while this pain is normal, sometimes that pain lingers for too long.  We relive the pain over and over, letting them live rent-free in our head and we have a hard time letting go.  Grudges are a waste of perfect happiness, it causes us to miss out on the beauty of life as it happens.  To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover the prisoner was you. 

8. I persevered through tough times. – Sometimes you have to die a little on the inside in order to rise from your own ashes and believe in yourself and love yourself again.  Call it growth.  Call it finding yourself.  Call it whatever you want.  The key is to live moment to moment when times are tough, and push forward, until moments become minutes… minutes become hours… hours become days… days become weeks… weeks turn to months… and time again has meaning… and life becomes a reason to smile.  The process is almost like learning to walk or speak for the very first time.  It isn’t easy, but in the process we grow and we find ourselves, stronger, wiser, and possessing talents we didn’t know we had.  When we refuse to give up on ourselves, the toughest of times can lead us to the best.

9. I have no regrets. – This one is simply an amalgamation of the previous eight, and then some…  Follow your heart.  Be true to yourself.  Do what makes you happy.  Be with who makes you smile.  Laugh as much as you breathe.  Love as long as you live.  Say what you need to say.  Find the courage to feel different, yet beautiful.  Find it in your heart to make others feel good too.  Know that you don’t need many people in your life, just a few great ones, so don’t lower yourself and your standards for the wrong reasons.  Be strong when things get tough.  Remember that the universe is always doing what’s right.  Recognize when you’re wrong and learn from it.  Always look back and see how much you’ve grown, and be proud of yourself.  Appreciate all the things you have.  Celebrate your small victories.  Forgive.  And let go of the things you can’t control.

The floor is yours…

Many moons from now, when you’re on your deathbed, what’s one thing you absolutely want to be able to say about yourself and your life?

http://www.marcandangel.com/2015/02/04/9-things-you-should-be-able-to-say-about-your-life/#more-811

8 Ways to Spring Clean Your Life

Last week I took my daughter to New York City for spring break to look at colleges. But it didn’t feel one bit like spring.

In fact, it was so cold we were wearing winter coats and boots, wondering if nature was playing a cruel trick on us.

Even when we returned to Atlanta on Thursday, it was still cold and windy in spite of blossoms popping out on the trees and azalea bushes — a colorful shout of defiance against the abnormal springtime temps.

But this weekend — ah, it was absolutely perfect. It finally felt like spring had arrived with temperatures in the 70’s and a pale coating of yellow pine pollen on everything.

The arrival of spring always lightens my heart and soul. It feels like a new beginning, a fresh start that begs us to open our internal windows to release the stale and tired emotions we’ve carried all winter and allow a light breeze of peace and positivity to wash over us.

I know some of this lightness is just part of the seasonal change. The short days of winter, the lack of sunlight, the cold weather, and the time spent indoors makes us feel cranky at best and sometimes downright depressed. We tend to exercise less, eat heavier foods, and sleep more.

It’s amazing how the regenerative powers of sunshine, warm weather, and time outside can almost immediately restore your body and mind. You find yourself eager to clean out clutter, freshen up your home, and get a little exercise.

Internal cleaning

With a lighter heart and open mind, we also have the opportunity to spring clean our internal lives. We have the chance to hit the re-set button and start over with a shift in attitude and a reawakening to our values, dreams, and sense of purpose for our lives.

The concept of rebirth during the spring isn’t simply a religious or seasonal metaphor. Spring is the perfect time to recreate ourselves and blossom into the beautiful potential we envision for our lives.

Everything that happens in your outer life begins with your internal choices or lack thereof. When you are clear about who you want to be and how you wish to live your life, then your choices and actions become as easy and natural as a spring breeze.

Gaining that internal clarity first requires the awareness that it’s necessary. It requires you to step back, breathe deeply, and make the conscious decision to evolve, to activate your own metamorphosis.

Here are some ways you can begin the internal spring cleaning process.

1. Re-define your core values

I can’t stress enough how important it is to know your core values. These are the guiding principles of your life around which all decisions and actions should be measured. When you are clear on the values you hold most dear, then it is easy to discern where and how your life doesn’t support or reflect those values. You may have dozens of values, but you need to have a handful (maybe 5-10) that are the most important, non-negotiable driving principles of your life. Here’s a good list of values you can use as a thought-starter.

Your values can change over time. At one point in your life, adventure might be a core value and at another point it might be security or flexibility. This is a good time to clear out the old values and reinforce those that are important for your life now.

2. Restore your integrity

Are there areas of your life that don’t reflect your core values or where you are living out-of-alignment with your personal integrity? Perhaps it’s a relationship that is inappropriate or doesn’t serve you. Maybe you are accepting something in your job that rubs you the wrong way. Maybe there are parts of your lifestyle that feel inauthentic or meaningless.

Where do you feel your life and your sense of integrity don’t match up? What can you do to correct that?

3. Harmonize your close relationships

There are people in your life whom you love or care for deeply, but perhaps the relationship isn’t as strong as it could or should be. Maybe you’ve been distracted or neglectful. Or perhaps you’ve allowed someone to treat you poorly. Sometimes we allow our relationships to slip into periods of inattention or malaise. How can you bring more harmony, communication, attention, and love to your close relationships? What do you need to release in order to be a better partner, spouse, parent, or friend?

4. Shine up your attitude

After a winter of discontent, it becomes a habit to allow negativity to dominate our thoughts and words. We become so accustomed to complaining, worrying, and seeing the glass half empty that we are blinded to all of the beauty and joy we have access to right now, even in this very moment.

Use this time to shift your attention from all that is going wrong in your life to all that is going right. Allow gratitude and joy to move to the forefront of your thoughts, and actively seek to diminish the power and predominance of your worries and frustrations. Seek out goodness, beauty, love, humor, and positivity. Spend time with people who support this way of being and thinking.

5. Simplify your thinking

Sweep out extraneous distractions, projects, and tasks that drain your brain energy. Prioritize just a few main goals for each day, and allow yourself the time to focus on them deeply and thoroughly without being mentally or physically pulled in different directions. Visualize white space around each goal so you create plenty of room for imagination and critical thinking without anxiety or interruptions.

6. Change up your routines

Wipe away the old daily routines you’ve been following all winter long. Shake up your life a bit and create new routines and new ways of doing things. Our lives become boring and stale when we do the same things day in and day out. Even small changes, like going a different route to work or having your breakfast before your shower rather than after, can make you feel motivated and different.

But consider larger changes too — like meeting a new group of people, taking up a new hobby, or going on an adventure. Change challenges us and stretches us to become more interesting and self-aware.

7. Reclaim inner peace

There are so many circumstances and interactions that we allow to steal our sense of equanimity and inner peace. We become so attached to things and outcomes that we become deeply disturbed if don’t achieve or acquire what we think we must have. We allow the moods and words of other people to hurt or worry us. We grow defensive over perceived slights. We allow ourselves to remain in environments that are too loud, disruptive, or draining.

What is disrupting your inner peace? How can you clear away those things so you can enjoy more calm and contentment in your life?

8. Buff up your emotional intelligence

Part of on-going personal evolution requires that we demand increasing emotional maturity from ourselves. Emotional maturity simply means having control over your emotions rather than your emotions controlling you. It means being able to accept people and situations as they are without needing to change them. Ultimately, this allows you to experience the inner peace described above and to enjoy deeply satisfying relationships. Emotionally intelligent and mature people . .

• - know what they want and make it happen;

• - think before they act;

• - exhibit self-reliance and the ability to take personal responsibility;

• - have patience;

• - are able to connect with others in a cooperative and positive way;

• - are able to genuinely care about others and can demonstrate that;

• - exhibit honesty and can live by their principles;

• - have moderation and balance in all things;

• - have the ability to follow through, even when it is difficult;

• - can show humility and say “I’m sorry.”
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Just as spring is a time of renewal and rebirth year after year, we have the opportunity to renew ourselves — to become the best version of who we wish to be as we define it year after year.

As the weather gets warmer, the sun is shining, and the leaves and flowers are budding, open the windows and doors of your internal house and give your mind and spirit a thorough spring cleaning. As you clear out the old and unnecessary parts of your life, you will awaken to possibilities and joy you hadn’t noticed hiding under the dust bunnies of those cold winter months.

http://liveboldandbloom.com/04/lifestyle/8-ways-to-spring-clean-your-life