https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bdaPVoG2qAE
Wednesday, 25 February 2015
Monday, 23 February 2015
7 Things You Should Insist On No Matter What People Say
Do more than just exist. We all exist. The question is: Do you live?
About 15 years ago, I had an intervention with myself. I sat down at the local library on a Saturday morning and read through hundreds of archived entries in my journal. Specifically, I was looking for all the unfulfilled goals and visions for the future that I had jotted down over the years. And it didn’t take long before I realized that the entire course my life had taken up to that point had been the product of other people’s opinions and decisions. Every day I was just going through the motions, and doing what I was “supposed” to do, instead of what was right for ME.
Fast forward to today, and as I awoke this morning, I marveled at my life. Where once I woke with dread at the thought of a new day, now I wake with excitement to begin – grateful to be doing what I’m doing with my life. I’m so happy I did what I had to do, and struggled through the tough times and fears, and realigned my life with the activities and ideals that make me feel alive.
I tell you this because I know life can get pretty crazy at times. Sometimes it gets so busy that we forget how important it is to actually listen to ourselves, instead of others. But I’m happy to tell you that things can change if you want them to, at any age.
Just as I’ve turned things around for myself, I know hundreds of other people who have done the same. Through a decade of life, relationship, and small business coaching, I’ve witnessed people reinventing themselves at all ages – 48-year olds starting families, 57-year-olds graduating from college for the first time, 71-year-olds starting successful businesses, and so forth.
How did we do it? We insisted upon making changes, and we followed through.
Above all, what you need to remember is happiness is dependent upon ourselves, and there are some things in life you have to insist on doing, no matter what others say about it. For instance, you have to…
1. Insist on making your life your own. – Most of us are not raised to actively seek our calling. We may not even know that we have one. As kids, we are seldom told we have a place in life that is uniquely ours alone. Instead, we are encouraged to believe that our life should somehow fulfill the expectations of others – that we should find our happiness exactly as they have found theirs. Rather than being taught to ask ourselves who we are, we are trained to ask others for permission. We are, in effect, schooled to live other people’s versions of our lives. Every day is designed and developed as told to us by someone else! And then one day when we break free to survey our dreams, seeking to fulfill ourselves, we see that most of our dreams have gone unfulfilled because we believed, and those around us believed, that what we wanted for ourselves was somehow beyond our reach. It’s time to unlearn these lies and make changes. It takes courage to grow wiser and become who you really are. And today is the first day of the rest of your life.
2. Insist on subtracting what doesn’t belong in your life. – There’s so much you can let go of in life without losing a thing. It’s called growth. Letting go of the old makes way for the new. Letting go of what isn’t working makes way for what will. When the pain of holding on is worse than the pain of letting go, it’s time to let go and grow. In other words, start subtracting… the habits, routines and circumstances that are holding you back. You cannot discover new oceans unless you build up enough courage to lose sight of the old, familiar shoreline. Be brave. Follow your values. Make changes. Dare to be different. And don’t be afraid to like it.
3. Insist on making passion a priority. – Purpose is the reason you journey. Passion is the fire that lights your way. Without passion, it’s impossible to progress. The heart of human excellence begins to beat when you discover a pursuit that absorbs you, frees you, challenges you, and gives you a sense of meaning. Some resist this fact and think passion is just fluff. Well that’s nonsense! Honestly, the saddest people I’ve ever met in life are the ones who don’t have a deep passion about anything at all. Passion and satisfaction go hand in hand, and without them, any happiness is only temporary, because there’s nothing meaningful behind it to make it last. So remember, if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it. Only passions – great passions – can elevate the soul to great heights. If there was ever a moment to follow your heart and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.
4. Insist on working hard for what you want most. – Sometimes you’ve got to create what you want to be a part of from the ground up – you’ve got to work harder than ever before to get more than you ever dreamed of. Be a dreamer. Be a doer. Know what is truly important to you and why. Then act on it with all your might. Dreams don’t just magically become realities; it takes a lot of determination, sweat, and hard work. And remember, tough circumstances don’t last; tough people do. Most obstacles melt away when we make up our minds to march boldly through them. If you have a strong commitment to your goals and dreams, and wake up every morning with a burning passion to work toward them, anything is possible. So dare to live the life you have dreamed for yourself. Go forward and make your dreams a working reality.
5. Insist on saying what you need to say. – Dr. Seuss once said, “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” There’s a lot of truth in that statement. Be cordial and reasonable, of course, but don’t tread carefully on every word you say. Push your concerns of what others might think aside and say what you need to say. Let the consequences of doing so unravel naturally. What you’ll find is that most of the time no one will be offended or irritated at all. And if they do get upset, it’s likely only because you’ve brought something important to their attention that forces them to think differently. Bottom line: When you don’t speak up, there’s a lot of important stuff that never gets said. And in the end, there’s no greater sadness than holding on to the words you never had the courage to speak.
6. Insist on leaving other people’s judgemental opinions alone. – When I first started writing on this blog, I’d agonize over whether people would think what I was writing was good enough. I desperately hoped they’d like it, and oftentimes I’d catch myself imagining they didn’t. Then one day I realized how much energy I was wasting worrying about it. So I’ve gradually learned to relax with simply not knowing. Some problems in life, such as not knowing what others think of you, are not really meant to be resolved. How people perceive you may have more to do with them than you anyway. They may even like or dislike you simply because you’ve triggered an association in their minds by reminding them of someone they liked or disliked from their past, which has absolutely nothing to do with you. So here’s a new mantra for you – say it, and then say it again: “This is my life, my choices, my mistakes and my lessons. As long as I’m not hurting people, I need not worry what they think of me.”
7. Insist on being as weird as you are. – It’s human nature to attempt to mimic other humans we look up to – perhaps a parental figure or a celebrity – especially when we are feeling insecure in our own skin. But attempting to be someone else will always leave us feeling empty inside. Why? Because what we appreciate about the people we admire is their individuality – the qualities that make them unique. To really copy them, we need to develop our own individuality, and in that way, we would actually be less like them and more like our true selves. We all have quirks and a weirdness about us. The more relaxed you become with your own differences, the more comfortable you will start to feel just being YOU. Celebrate being different, off the beaten path, a little on the weird side… your own special creation. If you find yourself feeling like a fish out of water, by all means find a new river to swim in. But DO NOT change who you are; BE who you are.
Thursday, 19 February 2015
9 Things You Should Be Able to Say About Your Life
“May you live every day of your life.”
―Jonathan Swift
I just received an email from a young reader named Diane that nearly brought me to tears. The opening lines of her email read: “I’m dying of Leukemia at age 18. I was sent home from the hospital for my final few weeks 156 days ago. But now I’m back at the hospital being treated again, because my doctors now believe there is hope.”
I pray a miracle continues to work on Diane’s behalf, and I’m also selfishly grateful for the reminder she has given me. Our lives are fleeting, and the best day to fight for the right to live a full life is today. For those of us lucky enough to have our health, this means doing something amazing today. And by “amazing,” I mean taking small, positive steps forward on a purposeful path.
Because everything you want to do takes daily practice. Whether it means to learn to dance by practicing dancing or to learn to live by practicing living, the principles are the same. In each, it’s the performance of a dedicated precise set of acts, mental and physical, from which comes the sense of achievement, clarity of one’s meaning, and a satisfaction of the inner spirit. One becomes, in some way, an athlete of Life itself. And practice means to perform, over and over again in the face of all obstacles, some act of vision, faith, or desire. It’s the only means of lifelong fulfillment.
As Mae West so profoundly said, “You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”
And you know you’re on the right track when you can repeat each of the following headlines to yourself, honestly. (And if you can’t, this short list gives you something positive to work on.)
1. I have kept an open mind to new ideas and experiences. – As they say, a ship is safe in harbor, but that’s not what ships are for. Accepting some level of risk in life is important. You cannot be both close-minded and wise. You have to open up to the unknown. Close-minded people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are mostly just cynics. Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it’s the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a rejection of the world that occurs when we’re afraid it will hurt us or let us down. Cynics always say “no.” Do the opposite. Saying “yes” begins things. Saying “yes” is how things grow. Saying “yes” leads to firsthand experience and knowledge. “Yes” is for strong, open-minded people. So for as long as you have the strength to, say “yes.”
2. I am following my heart and intuition. – Don’t be pushed by your problems. Be led by your dreams. Live the life you want to live. Be the person you want to remember years from now. Make decisions and act on them. Make mistakes, fail and try again. Even if you fail a thousand times, at least you won’t have to wonder what could have been. At least you will know in your heart that you gave your dreams your best shot. Each of us has a fire in our hearts burning for something. It’s our responsibility in life to find it and keep it lit. Because it’s far better to fail in originality, our own way, than to succeed in imitation every day of our lives.
3. I am being honest with myself. – Be honest about what’s right, as well as what needs to be changed. Be honest about what you want to achieve and who you want to become. Be honest with every aspect of your life, always. Because you are the one person you can forever count on. Own your choices, and be willing to take the necessary steps to improve upon them. Either you take accountability for your life or someone else will. And when they do, you will become an instrument of their ideas and dreams instead of a pioneer of your own.
4. I am making a difference. – Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does. Is it true that we all live to serve? That by helping others we fulfill our own destiny? The answer is a simple “yes.” When you make a positive impact in someone else’s life, you also make a positive impact in your own life. Do something that’s greater than you – something that helps someone else to be happy or to suffer less. You are only one, but you are one. You cannot do everything, but you can do something.
5. I don’t need anyone else to complete me. – There’s far more to life than finding someone who will want you, or getting upset over someone who won’t. There’s a lot of important time to be spent discovering yourself without begging someone to fall in love with you along the way… and this journey doesn’t need to be empty or painful. YOU need to fill yourself up with love – self-love – first. Become a whole being on your own. Go on adventures, explore your passions, wander around the city and see new sights, sit in coffee shops and read, write on bathroom stalls, leave notes in library books, dress up for yourself, give to others who can’t pay you back, smile and have fun. Do all things with love, but don’t romanticize life like you can’t survive without someone giving it to you every second. You can. And once you give it to yourself, you will feel healed, and you will ultimately open yourself up to the possibility of healthy relationships with others.
6. I have been brave enough to be vulnerable. – So many of us feel alone, even when we’re surrounded by others we call friends and family. Inside, regardless of present company, we feel misunderstood and scared. We worry that telling people about our fears will make them think less of us. We wonder if anyone else feels the same way we do. We convince ourselves that we’re weird, that no one else hears the voices in their head, that we’re the only one who needs a hug. Well wake up! YOU aren’t alone. Be brave enough to open up to those you love, and you’ll see that I’m right. Tear down any emotional brick walls you have built around yourself. Owning your story can be hard, but not nearly as difficult as spending your life running from it. Embracing your vulnerability is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and friendship and personal growth – the life experiences that require you to be the most vulnerable.
7. I have forgiven those who once hurt me. – We’ve all been hurt by another person at some point or another – we were treated badly, trust was broken, hearts were hurt. And while this pain is normal, sometimes that pain lingers for too long. We relive the pain over and over, letting them live rent-free in our head and we have a hard time letting go. Grudges are a waste of perfect happiness, it causes us to miss out on the beauty of life as it happens. To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover the prisoner was you.
8. I persevered through tough times. – Sometimes you have to die a little on the inside in order to rise from your own ashes and believe in yourself and love yourself again. Call it growth. Call it finding yourself. Call it whatever you want. The key is to live moment to moment when times are tough, and push forward, until moments become minutes… minutes become hours… hours become days… days become weeks… weeks turn to months… and time again has meaning… and life becomes a reason to smile. The process is almost like learning to walk or speak for the very first time. It isn’t easy, but in the process we grow and we find ourselves, stronger, wiser, and possessing talents we didn’t know we had. When we refuse to give up on ourselves, the toughest of times can lead us to the best.
9. I have no regrets. – This one is simply an amalgamation of the previous eight, and then some… Follow your heart. Be true to yourself. Do what makes you happy. Be with who makes you smile. Laugh as much as you breathe. Love as long as you live. Say what you need to say. Find the courage to feel different, yet beautiful. Find it in your heart to make others feel good too. Know that you don’t need many people in your life, just a few great ones, so don’t lower yourself and your standards for the wrong reasons. Be strong when things get tough. Remember that the universe is always doing what’s right. Recognize when you’re wrong and learn from it. Always look back and see how much you’ve grown, and be proud of yourself. Appreciate all the things you have. Celebrate your small victories. Forgive. And let go of the things you can’t control.
The floor is yours…
Many moons from now, when you’re on your deathbed, what’s one thing you absolutely want to be able to say about yourself and your life?
Wednesday, 18 February 2015
Monday, 16 February 2015
8 Ways to Spring Clean Your Life
Last week I took my daughter to New York City for spring break to look at colleges. But it didn’t feel one bit like spring.
In fact, it was so cold we were wearing winter coats and boots, wondering if nature was playing a cruel trick on us.
Even when we returned to Atlanta on Thursday, it was still cold and windy in spite of blossoms popping out on the trees and azalea bushes — a colorful shout of defiance against the abnormal springtime temps.
But this weekend — ah, it was absolutely perfect. It finally felt like spring had arrived with temperatures in the 70’s and a pale coating of yellow pine pollen on everything.
The arrival of spring always lightens my heart and soul. It feels like a new beginning, a fresh start that begs us to open our internal windows to release the stale and tired emotions we’ve carried all winter and allow a light breeze of peace and positivity to wash over us.
I know some of this lightness is just part of the seasonal change. The short days of winter, the lack of sunlight, the cold weather, and the time spent indoors makes us feel cranky at best and sometimes downright depressed. We tend to exercise less, eat heavier foods, and sleep more.
It’s amazing how the regenerative powers of sunshine, warm weather, and time outside can almost immediately restore your body and mind. You find yourself eager to clean out clutter, freshen up your home, and get a little exercise.
Internal cleaning
With a lighter heart and open mind, we also have the opportunity to spring clean our internal lives. We have the chance to hit the re-set button and start over with a shift in attitude and a reawakening to our values, dreams, and sense of purpose for our lives.
The concept of rebirth during the spring isn’t simply a religious or seasonal metaphor. Spring is the perfect time to recreate ourselves and blossom into the beautiful potential we envision for our lives.
Everything that happens in your outer life begins with your internal choices or lack thereof. When you are clear about who you want to be and how you wish to live your life, then your choices and actions become as easy and natural as a spring breeze.
Gaining that internal clarity first requires the awareness that it’s necessary. It requires you to step back, breathe deeply, and make the conscious decision to evolve, to activate your own metamorphosis.
Here are some ways you can begin the internal spring cleaning process.
1. Re-define your core values
I can’t stress enough how important it is to know your core values. These are the guiding principles of your life around which all decisions and actions should be measured. When you are clear on the values you hold most dear, then it is easy to discern where and how your life doesn’t support or reflect those values. You may have dozens of values, but you need to have a handful (maybe 5-10) that are the most important, non-negotiable driving principles of your life. Here’s a good list of values you can use as a thought-starter.
Your values can change over time. At one point in your life, adventure might be a core value and at another point it might be security or flexibility. This is a good time to clear out the old values and reinforce those that are important for your life now.
2. Restore your integrity
Are there areas of your life that don’t reflect your core values or where you are living out-of-alignment with your personal integrity? Perhaps it’s a relationship that is inappropriate or doesn’t serve you. Maybe you are accepting something in your job that rubs you the wrong way. Maybe there are parts of your lifestyle that feel inauthentic or meaningless.
Where do you feel your life and your sense of integrity don’t match up? What can you do to correct that?
3. Harmonize your close relationships
There are people in your life whom you love or care for deeply, but perhaps the relationship isn’t as strong as it could or should be. Maybe you’ve been distracted or neglectful. Or perhaps you’ve allowed someone to treat you poorly. Sometimes we allow our relationships to slip into periods of inattention or malaise. How can you bring more harmony, communication, attention, and love to your close relationships? What do you need to release in order to be a better partner, spouse, parent, or friend?
4. Shine up your attitude
After a winter of discontent, it becomes a habit to allow negativity to dominate our thoughts and words. We become so accustomed to complaining, worrying, and seeing the glass half empty that we are blinded to all of the beauty and joy we have access to right now, even in this very moment.
Use this time to shift your attention from all that is going wrong in your life to all that is going right. Allow gratitude and joy to move to the forefront of your thoughts, and actively seek to diminish the power and predominance of your worries and frustrations. Seek out goodness, beauty, love, humor, and positivity. Spend time with people who support this way of being and thinking.
5. Simplify your thinking
Sweep out extraneous distractions, projects, and tasks that drain your brain energy. Prioritize just a few main goals for each day, and allow yourself the time to focus on them deeply and thoroughly without being mentally or physically pulled in different directions. Visualize white space around each goal so you create plenty of room for imagination and critical thinking without anxiety or interruptions.
6. Change up your routines
Wipe away the old daily routines you’ve been following all winter long. Shake up your life a bit and create new routines and new ways of doing things. Our lives become boring and stale when we do the same things day in and day out. Even small changes, like going a different route to work or having your breakfast before your shower rather than after, can make you feel motivated and different.
But consider larger changes too — like meeting a new group of people, taking up a new hobby, or going on an adventure. Change challenges us and stretches us to become more interesting and self-aware.
7. Reclaim inner peace
There are so many circumstances and interactions that we allow to steal our sense of equanimity and inner peace. We become so attached to things and outcomes that we become deeply disturbed if don’t achieve or acquire what we think we must have. We allow the moods and words of other people to hurt or worry us. We grow defensive over perceived slights. We allow ourselves to remain in environments that are too loud, disruptive, or draining.
What is disrupting your inner peace? How can you clear away those things so you can enjoy more calm and contentment in your life?
8. Buff up your emotional intelligence
Part of on-going personal evolution requires that we demand increasing emotional maturity from ourselves. Emotional maturity simply means having control over your emotions rather than your emotions controlling you. It means being able to accept people and situations as they are without needing to change them. Ultimately, this allows you to experience the inner peace described above and to enjoy deeply satisfying relationships. Emotionally intelligent and mature people . .
- - know what they want and make it happen;
- - think before they act;
- - exhibit self-reliance and the ability to take personal responsibility;
- - have patience;
- - are able to connect with others in a cooperative and positive way;
- - are able to genuinely care about others and can demonstrate that;
- - exhibit honesty and can live by their principles;
- - have moderation and balance in all things;
- - have the ability to follow through, even when it is difficult;
- - can show humility and say “I’m sorry.”
Just as spring is a time of renewal and rebirth year after year, we have the opportunity to renew ourselves — to become the best version of who we wish to be as we define it year after year.
As the weather gets warmer, the sun is shining, and the leaves and flowers are budding, open the windows and doors of your internal house and give your mind and spirit a thorough spring cleaning. As you clear out the old and unnecessary parts of your life, you will awaken to possibilities and joy you hadn’t noticed hiding under the dust bunnies of those cold winter months.
Wednesday, 11 February 2015
Monday, 9 February 2015
Happy Monday?!
In studies conducted with US participants, results have shown that suicides are more likely to occur on Mondays than any other weekday, and not surprisingly, the amount of suicides are the least during weekends. It is also revealed that Monday depresses the most people compared to any other days of the week. Seems like there is a reason behind the term ‘Monday Blues’ after all.
It probably wouldn’t come as a shock to you that a UK research also found that most sick leaves are also taken on Mondays. As to why Monday is a particularly moody day, well, it’s pretty obvious that we’d end up a bit down when returning to work, especially after a fun and rested weekend. In reality though, the real reason may be more than meets the eye.
It turns out that Monday Blues could be a case of biological emotional cycles that determine our ‘biological’ moods. In other words, it’s not the negative feelings we have of going back to work that’s making us blue, but periodic mood shifts that go by the week. Fortunately for us, there are a few simple things we can do to help minimize the ill effects of Monday Blues.
1. Have Something To Look Forward To On Monday Nights
What is it that keeps you going from Monday ’til Friday? Weekends! You’d probably be thinking about the weekend getaway with your buddies, daydreaming about the sea breeze and the golden sandy beaches that awaits your arrival; no doubt these thoughts would help make the time pass faster.
The same theory thus, should also apply to your Mondays. Plan something for after work so that you have something to look forward to. Monday is probably just the start of a hard week ahead, so you deserve an exciting event at the end of the day to motivate you while you work.
If you feel that you’d be too exhausted for a night out, consider doing something at home; something relaxing. Taking a long bath while indulging in soothing music and a homemade aromatherapy session should lessen the stress you are facing at work or after a long weekend, partying.
If you make it a habit to go home to relax every Monday evening, sooner or later you’d not see each Monday as a taxing day. Rather, it will become the day that you’ll long for. Monday doesn’t have to be the most painful day of the week; it is only so, if you focus on it.
2. Prepare Monday’s Work On Friday
This one seems like common sense, but people don’t seem to heed it. It is a case of instant gratification versus delayed gratification. Yes, Friday is the day when we can finally say take a breather and count down to the weekend. But in reality, some of us have already ‘closed shop’ by midday, and simply thinking about plans for the weekends.
The result? We leave Friday’s work to pick up on Monday,and we face a double whammy when we return to work after the weekend.
I suggest that you bring the coming Monday’s work to this Friday. This will not only minimize the dread you’ll face on Monday mornings, but also keep your mind off work during the weekend. At the very least, if you plan out Monday’s workload on Friday, you’ll feel less overwhelmed come Monday. Planning ahead can help you cope with Mondays and maintain your productivity levels for the rest of the week.
3. Socialize
Humans are social animals. Even if you are an introvert and prefer to keep to yourself most of the time, you still need some social contact once in a while. Engaging in a conversation stimulates the mind enough to actually kick-start it for the day. If you dive straight into your work the moment you reach the office, chances are that your brain is still trying to ‘wake up’. Like a car engine, your brain needs to warm up before it can function optimally.
Other sources would suggest waking up earlier, getting some sunlight, or finding something to laugh about, etc. The idea is to freshen up your mind before you start work, so that you’ll get enough motivation and energy to face yet another demanding Monday.
I suggest socialization here because there’s nothing more invigorating than the exchange of ideas and opinions via conversations. The conversations need not be ‘deep’ in nature; even a simple chat about how the weekend was spent can wake up all your senses and your mind for the day ahead.
4. Reconceptualize Mondays
This one is a little tricky because it has a lot to do mind over matter. Ask yourself: why does Monday have to be blue? Just because everyone says so? Well, it doesn’t have to be. Yes, you should ‘reprogram’ the way you see Monday. Monday may be the day we have to drag our feet back to work after an awesome weekend but if you look at it as the beginning of a great week ahead, the thought can empower you and propel you to a great start.
As it is with other things in life, it is a matter of seeing the glass half empty or half full. You can be overwhelmed with all the duties and deadlines you are in charge of, or you can be enthusiastic about the responsibilities and goals thrown upon you.
If this doesn’t work for you, my fifth and final tip, the simplest and most counter-intuitive solution could just be the answer to your Monday woes.
5. Accept It
Monday blues is like a Chinese finger trap; the more you struggle, the tighter it gets. In other words, fighting the blues only makes it worse. The solution to both Monday blues and the finger trap is surprisingly very similar. For the finger trap, you just need to relax your fingers and push them further in. The trap will then loosen and you’ll get your fingers out. As for your Monday blues, just accept that it’s a dreadful day and that you’ll probably feel a bit tired and down.
Think about it: Monday is already a miserable day and you’re still thinking of ways to stop yourself feeling that way? It will only exhaust you further. Why not go with the flow and cope with the stress? Time passes by quickly when you don’t dwell on it.
After awhile you wouldn’t even remember that Mondays are supposed to be blue. It’s just the day after the weekend when we all have to return to work.
Wednesday, 4 February 2015
How to Find Your Life’s Purpose and Make Yourself a Better Person
Some mornings, you may feel that there’s something deeper you could be a part of. You feel the pull towards something but you can’t exactly pin it down—it eludes you and frustrates you.
You might have heard stories from writers or musicians who have felt their calling their entire lives; the Mozarts of the world who have pursued their passions from the moment they were out of the womb. Deep down you wish you had this “knowing” to pull you forward.
Frankly, you do: all it takes is a little digging to uncover the truth. Think of uncovering your passion like the work of a master sculptor, slowly chipping away the stone to reveal the masterpiece underneath. Your life’s purpose is this masterpiece, simply lurking beneath the surface waiting to be released.
The fastest way to uncovering your life’s purpose is through the art of introspection: diving into the deeper essences of who you are to pull out the pieces to assemble the purpose puzzle. Think of your life’s purpose as a golden thread; for some, that thread comes in the form of a certain career or profession, while for others it looks like a way of being or expression.
Let’s use the analogy of an epic quest across the ocean to take you on your journey of uncovering your purpose.
Why you want this in the first place
Ultimately you’re trying to improve your life. You want more zest, more flavor, more fullness. In the strictest sense you want to become a better person. You want to wake up in the morning excited, jumping out of bed with a thirst for life that you haven’t felt since you were a child.
Your purpose can be the driving force of this. Your purpose can be your connection to something larger, something that will allow you to make your mark on the world, to truly make a difference. Still, your WHY might be different. Before we even leave solid ground you need this as your anchor, just in case things get a little foggy. To find it just answer this question:
Why do you want to find your purpose in life?
Write down or remember whatever comes up. It might be some of the above reasons or it might be something entirely different. Whatever it is cherish it, nothing is too far left field.
The tools for your journey
Before any great adventure, you want to make sure your tools and supplies are in working order. For this quest the tools are simple: You’ll need a pen and piece of paper, a working memory, and the drive to uncover what you set out to find. That’s it—you’re ready to set off. Before we go, there are a few things you’ll need to embrace beforehand. Think of these items as the underlying code of conduct for your journey.
1. I welcome the hard work and tiresome effort it will take to unearth my life’s great work.
2. I know my purpose might not be directly obvious, but I will put in the time to find it.
3. I believe finding my purpose is entirely possible.
4. I know that finding my life’s purpose may lead to some drastic (positive) changes.
5. I know that finding my life’s purpose will leave me with the power to shape my own destiny.
Once you’ve let the above affirmations settle, you’re ready to free your ship from the dock and set sail. Your tools are sharpened and your mind is prepped: congratulations! You’ve come farther than most people ever do.
Slaying the inner dragons
When you first set sail into uncharted waters there will be an initial resistance; a pervading fear, a fear of the unknown. If you feel this, great: you’re human.
The first dragon you might face will likely be your internal beliefs. They might try to stop you in your tracks, or tell you you’re crazy for trying to find your purpose in the first place. They might say harsh things like “you don’t deserve to have a purpose”, or “you’ll never find what you’re looking for”. What you have to know is that this inner dialogue isn’t true—it’s more afraid than you are. Its main goal is to keep you comfortable.
To combat your inner dialogue you have to first realize it’s happening. When you start to actually pay attention to the thoughts as they’re spiralling then they lose their power. They get their evil force by operating below the scenes, so when you shine a spotlight of awareness upon them they lose their control over you.
Once you’re familiar with these inner dragons it will be easier to slay them.
Next, you have to swing your sword of action. The best way to stop these beliefs from stopping your journey before it begins is to study them. To know them inside and out, and to act in spite of them when they occur. That way you build power: true soul-baring force. Try this on for size: When you’ve come across a belief that is threatening to stop your journey, take a breath and look it square in the eye, then act anyway. You’ll know what actions to take after the next section, so hold tight. Just know that you’re going to act in spite.
This will teach you to develop your courage muscle, and its heart-centered courage will give you something to lean on throughout your uncertain quest. To re-cap, when a limiting belief comes your way like “I don’t deserve to know my purpose” you’ll first shine your light of awareness on the belief, look it square in the face, then take action right over it.
Questions for the great dig
Now that you know why you’re doing this and how to overcome any hurdle, you’re ready for the turbulent seas. You’re preparation is done, the shore is now out of sight. All that remains is you and the seas of your soul. Get ready to dive deep. Keep in mind that we’re going to analyze common threads in your life and the deep desires you have currently to give you a one two punch to finding your purpose.
Step one, the soul-baring questions:
If you had all the money in the world, how would you spend your time?
What would your perfect day look like? Describe every detail.
What activities set your soul on fire?
What do you love to do?
These should be enough to get you going. Don’t be afraid to dive deep with these questions, and write down whatever comes to mind. Make sure you create some space to ponder these questions. Nothing is too outlandish, so do your best to turn off your mental filter. The best answers will come when you can turn off your self-judgement.
Once you have these answers in hand, we’re going to take a little stroll back into your memory to dig up some more answers. When you’re a child, your life experience is more freeing, playful, and alive. Your whims direct your life and you’re more plugged into a deeper current. At this stage in your life the outside world hasn’t shaped you dreams yet, you have direct access to your passions. We all had things we loved to do as kids but ended up giving them up for the sake of practicality. What we’re going to do here is take a stroll through your memory banks and try to gain some glimpses of this childhood wisdom.
Step two, connect with your inner child:
What brought you immense joy as a kid?
What were you doing when you lost track of time?
What did your parents have to drag you away from?
What did you love deep down before the world told you to get practical?
Once again, keep your mind in an open place. If you’re having trouble, it may help to look at a picture of yourself when you were younger, or grab an old stuffed animal or other item that sends you back into the memory banks. Write to your heart’s content—even use crayons if you have to!
Building your golden thread
Now that you’ve braved the epic seas, the other shoreline is in sight. The last stretch of the journey is to string all the bits of randomness together and find the common themes. The digging is done—great work.
Your job now is to take a hard look at all your answers, and see if you can pull out any common ideas that are in both lists. Maybe you’ve wanted be a writer since you were a child, and committing words to a page every day really sets your soul on fire. There’s a good chance that writing may be involved in your life’s purpose.
Maybe you’ve always been fascinated by the stars and the cosmos, reading textbooks on the subject in your spare time, and you’ve always had a deep connection to spending time outdoors. You could combine this into an excursion where you lead groups of people into the wild to stargaze and contemplate their place in the universe.
Let your creativity reign, and don’t fret if you can’t make a connection right away. Sometimes it helps to sleep on it and let your subconscious work on the solution for you.
If you’ve done the work then you’re on your way to finding your life’s purpose. When it’s there, you’ll feel it deep down in your bones.
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