2 Ways to Stop Worrying About What Everyone Thinks of You

“What’s wrong with wanting others to like you?”

That’s what several of our course members asked me via email in response to one of our recent course member discussions.  And I’ve been asked similar questions over the years too.  So today, I want to discuss why it’s not healthy to spend lots of time worrying about what everyone thinks of you, and how to stop yourself from doing so.

In a nutshell, tying your self-worth to everyone else’s opinions gives you a flawed sense of reality.  But before we look at how to fix this, first we need to understand why we do this…

From wanting others to think we’re attractive, to checking the number of likes and comments on our Facebook and Instagram posts, most of us care about what others think.  In fact, a big part of this is an innate desire that we are born with.  It has been proven time and time again that babies’ emotions are often drawn directly from the behaviors of those around them.

As we grow up, we learn to separate our thoughts and emotions from everyone else’s, but many of us continue to seek – and in many cases beg for – positive social validation from other others.  This can cause serious trouble when it comes to self-esteem and happiness.  In a recent survey we did with 3,000 of our course members and coaching clients, 67% of them admitted that their self-worth is strongly tied to what other people think of them.

As human beings, we naturally respond to everything we experience through the lens of our learned expectations – a set of deep-rooted beliefs about the way the world is and how things should be.  And one of the most prevailing expectations we have involves external validation and how others ‘should’ respond to us.

Over a century ago, social psychologist Charles Cooley identified the phenomenon of the “looking-glass self,” which is when we believe “I am not what I think I am, and I am not what you think I am – I am what I think that you think I am.”  This kind of external validation has insecurity at its core, and relying on it for even a short time chips away at our sense of self-worth and self-confidence.

The biggest problem is we tend to forget that people judge us based on a pool of influences in their own life that have absolutely nothing to do with us.  For example, a person might assume things about you based on a troubled past experience they had with someone else that looks kind of like you, or someone else who shares your same last name, etc.  Therefore, basing your self-worth on what others think puts you in a perpetual state of vulnerability – you are literally at the mercy of their unreliable, bias perspectives.  If they see you in the right light, and respond to you in a positive, affirming manner, then you feel good about yourself.  And if not, you feel like you did something wrong.

Bottom line:  When you’re doing everything for other people, and basing your happiness and self-worth on their opinions, you’ve lost your moral center.

The good news is that we have the capacity to watch our thoughts and expectations, identify which ones serve us, and then change the ones that do not.

So, in order to stop worrying so much about what others think, it’s time to inject some fresh objectivity into your life, and develop a value system that doesn’t depend on others every step of the way.  Here are two things you can start doing today:

1.  Refocus your attention on what DOES matter.

People will think what they want to think.  You can’t control them.  No matter how carefully you choose your words and mannerisms, there’s always a good chance they’ll be misinterpreted and twisted upside down by someone.  Does this really matter in the grand scheme of things?  No, it doesn’t.

What DOES matter is how you see yourself.

So when you’re making big decisions, make a habit of staying 100% true to your values and convictions.  Never be ashamed of doing what feels right.

To help you implement this positive habit, start by listing out 5-10 things that are important to you when it comes to building your character and living your life honorably.  For example:

- Honesty

- Reliability

- Self-respect

- Self-discipline

- Compassion

- Progression

- Positivity

- etc.

Having a list like this to reference will give you an opportunity to consciously invoke your handpicked traits/behaviors in place of doing something random simply for the purpose of external validation.  While it may sound overly simplistic, most people never take the time to actually decide what is important to them when it comes to their self-image – they let others decide for them.

2.  Let go of your ‘end of the world’ thinking.

All variations of worrying, including worrying about rejection, thrive on ‘end of the world’ thinking.  In other words, our emotions convince us that an undesirable outcome results in annihilation.

- What if they don’t like me?

- What if he rejects me?

- What if I don’t fit in and I’m left sitting alone at the party?

- etc.

None of these things result in the end of the world, but if we convince ourselves that they do, we will irrationally fear these outcomes and give our fears control over us.  The truth is, we – human beings – are inefficient at accurately predicting how future misfortune will make us feel.  In fact, most of the time we avoid consciously thinking about it all together, which only perpetuates our subconscious fears.

So ask yourself: “If disaster should strike, and my fear of being rejected comes true, what are three constructive ways I could cope and move forward with my life?”

Sit down and tell yourself a story (write it down too if it helps) about how you will feel after rejection, how you will allow yourself to be upset for a short while, and then how you will begin the process of growing from the experience and moving on.  Just doing this exercise will help you to feel less fear around the possibility of someone thinking poorly of you.  And you’ll gradually begin to realize…

What other people think of you really doesn’t matter that much.

And of course, if you're struggling with any of this, know that you are not alone.  Many of us are right there with you, working hard to feel better, think more clearly, and get our lives back on track.  

Hal Elrod Reveals "The Miracle Morning®" [Part 2]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=37pGU_gtp34

Hal Elrod Reveals "The Miracle Morning®" [Part 1]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bew2lx-vGgE

3 Ways to Make Your Life Simple and Successful Again

“There is no greatness where there is not simplicity, goodness, and truth.”

―Leo Tolstoy

We all have days, weeks, months and – for some – even years of feeling anxious and overwhelmed with the work we have yet to do.  It’s an elusive feeling that aches from deep within.  From the outside, people think you have it all together, but they can’t see what’s going on in your head.  Stress fills your thoughts and emotions all too often, nagging at you throughout the day.  You have so many things to do and they never seem to get done.  You always feel a day late and a buck short.  The pressure is intense and overwhelming.

Consider an email I got today from a reader named Gale:

“…the older I get the harder it is to feel peaceful and successful.  I’m a wife and a working mom of two, and the thing is, I know I’d feel happier and more effective if my family and I didn’t have so many extra curricular obligations.  But we do.  I have a weekend job where I teach and lead a youth group my daughter is enrolled in, I help my husband coach our son’s soccer team, I lead a prayer group at my church, and the list goes on and on.

Right now, the only way to get everything done is to sleep less and hustle more, but I’ve noticed that I feel sick and can’t really do things well when I haven’t gotten enough sleep.  And I want to take care of my health as well, so I’ve been sleeping eight full hours for the last few nights.  And inevitably, now I’m terribly behind on everything again.”

I can relate all too well, because that’s exactly how Angel and I felt before we started simplifying our lifestyle.  We were being pulled in dozens of different directions every day and never had enough time to get everything done.  Naturally, we wanted to do a great job with each obligation we had, and somehow we had convinced ourselves that we could do it all.  But the reality was we were stretched way too thin, and thus we were doing a lousy job at everything and completely stressing ourselves out in the process.

So to Gale, and to everyone else who feels this way, here’s the harsh truth you’ve been avoiding:

You CANNOT do it all.  Your plate is too full.  You have to let some things GO!

Unless you want your health to decline and your stress to continue to skyrocket, you must start doing three key things:

1.  Decide what you would put back on your plate if you could wipe it clean.

Our lives get incredibly complicated, not overnight, but gradually.  The complications creep up on us, one small step at a time.

Today I order a few things on Amazon, tomorrow someone gives me a birthday present, then I get excited and I enroll in a free giveaway at church… and I win, so then I decide I need a new six-foot cabinet to store my growing pile of stuff.  One item at a time, the clutter builds up in my space, because I keep adding new things without purging the old.

And the cycle continues in all walks of life too…

Today I say yes to a Facebook party invitation, tomorrow I say yes when a neighbor asks me to help him move a couch, then I get asked to a quick lunch meeting, then I decide to volunteer at my son’s youth group.  One yes at a time, and soon my life is too busy and complicated and I don’t know where I went wrong.

And because I’m feeling stressed, I distract myself…

I read a couple articles on CNN.com, then I flip over to social media, then my email, and then I check my phone and watch a video of my nephew that my sister-in-law texted… and soon another day is gone, and I didn’t get anything done, and my life gets eaten away one little bite at a time, and I feel overwhelmed with what’s left undone.

How do we protect against this vicious cycle?

We have to take a step back on a regular basis and reevaluate what we have on our plate and why.

Instead of thinking, “Oh my gosh, there’s too much on my plate!” … let’s ask, “What if I started over again with a clean plate?”

What would you do if your schedule was empty?  If your plate were completely clean, with limited space, what would you put on it today?

For me, I might add some quiet, focused writing time; play time with my son; exercise time and tea time with Angel; a long lunchtime walk and a good afternoon talk with an old friend I haven’t spoken to in awhile; a couple short activities that matter to me and make a difference to others; reading and learning time; and time alone to think, meditate and unwind before bed.

Those are the things that I’d put on my clean plate (and now those are the things I DO have on my plate) because they feel right to me.

What would you choose to put on yours?

Once you’ve figured that out, you know what belongs on your plate.  And now you just need to constantly look at invitations and activities and requests and tasks that pop up, and ask: “Is this one of the things I would choose to put on my clean plate?”

And to help reinforce your decisions, you need to…

2.  Learn to say “NO” when you don’t want something new on your plate.

Saying yes to everything puts you on the fast track to being miserable.  Feeling like you’re doing busywork is often the result of saying yes too often.  We all have obligations, but a comfortable pace can only be found by properly managing your yeses.  So stop saying “yes” when you want to say “no.”  You can’t always be agreeable; that’s how people take advantage of you.   Sometimes you have to set clear boundaries.

You might have to say no to certain favors, or work projects, or community activities, or committees, or volunteer groups, or coaching your kid’s sports team, or some other seemingly worthwhile activity.

I know what you’re thinking – it seems unfair to say no when these are very worthwhile things to do.  It kills you to say no.  But you must.

Because the alternative is that you’re going to do a half-hearted, poor job at each one, be stressed beyond belief, and feel like you’re stuck in an endless cycle of failure and frustration.  You won’t be getting enough sleep, your focus will get worse and worse due to exhaustion, and eventually you’ll reach a breaking point. 

So remember, the only thing that keeps so many of us stuck in this debilitating cycle is the fantasy in our minds that we can be everything to everyone, everywhere at once, and a hero on all fronts.  But again, that’s not reality.  The reality is we’re not Superman or Wonder Woman – we’re human, and we have limits.  We have to let go of this idea of doing everything and pleasing everyone and being everywhere at once.  You’re either going to do a few things well, or do everything poorly.  That’s the truth.

And that’s a perfect segway to the next point…

3.  Focus on no more than three things every day.

You might have more than three things on your plate, but that doesn’t mean you should try to chew on them all at once.  In fact, in a perfect world you’d find complete focus and do only one thing well for a prolonged period of time.  You’d pick one really important item from your plate, say no to all the rest, and focus on just this one thing.  This might be a project at work, a family obligation, or a charitable cause … but just one thing.  You’d learn to do it well, you’d improve more and more every day, you’d serve people exceptionally with your masterful skill, and you wouldn’t be stressed out with juggling obligations.

However, that’s not the way life works.  In most cases we can’t pare things down to one thing, so that’s why you pick two or three.  After coaching thousands of people over the past decade, Angel and I have found that the average person can do two or three things well every day, (and one thing really well).  With two or three focuses, you won’t be as concentrated, won’t learn as deeply, but it’s doable.  With four or five focuses, you won’t do anything well or learn anything deeply or serve anyone exceptionally.  And you will be stressed out.

So start paring down to two or three things: Wake up every morning and figure out what the most important two or three things are for the day, and cut out the rest.  Be ruthless.  Address your other obligations right then and there, and tell the associated people that you really want to help, but your plate is full.  You can’t serve them well today, so regretfully you must say “no.”

And when you’re down to two or three things, it’s best to give each some allotted time.  So a few hours for one, and then a few hours for another, etc.  Instead of being in a stressful task-switching state of mind, just take your next task, let everything else go, and just be in the moment with this one task for the allotted time.

Do this, and you will notice a difference.

Because life is not complicated.  We are complicated.  When we stop trying to doing everything at once, life becomes simple again, and we become successful again, one sane moment at a time. 

http://www.marcandangel.com/2015/04/12/3-ways-to-make-your-life-simple-and-successful-again/#more-835

Jim Rohn - Anybody CAN!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6hCFGhmL2HI

20 Things to Remember When Rejection Hurts

Be OK with walking away…

Rejection teaches you how to reject what’s not right for you.

As you look back on your life, you will realize that many of the times you thought you were being rejected from someone or something you wanted, you were in fact being redirected to someone or something you needed.

Seeing this when you’re in the midst of feeling rejected, however, is quite tough.  I know because I’ve been there.

As soon as someone critiques, criticizes, and pushes you away – as soon as you are rejected – you find yourself thinking, “Well, that proves once again that I’m not worthy.”  What you need to realize is, the other person or situation is NOT worthy of YOU and your particular journey.

Rejection is necessary medicine; it teaches you how to reject relationships and opportunities that aren’t going to work, so you can find the right ones that will.  It doesn’t mean you aren’t good enough; it just means someone else failed to notice what you have to offer.  Which means you now have more time to improve yourself and explore your options.

Will you be bitter for a moment?  Absolutely.  Hurt?  Of course, you’re human.  There isn’t a soul on this planet that doesn’t feel a small fraction of their heart break at the realization of rejection.  For a short time afterwards you will ask yourself every question you can think of…

• What did I do wrong?
• Why didn’t they care about me?
• How come?
• etc.

But then you have to let your emotions fuel you in a positive way!  This is the important part.  Let your feelings of rejection drive you, feed you, and inspire one heck of a powerful opening to the next chapter of your story.

Honestly, if you constantly feel like someone is not treating you with respect, check your price tag.  Perhaps you’ve subconsciously marked yourself down.  Because it’s YOU who tells others what you’re worth by showing them what you’re willing to accept for your time and attention.  So get off the clearance rack.  And I mean right NOW!  If you don’t value and respect yourself, wholeheartedly, no one else will either.

I know it’s hard to accept, but think about it…

All too often we let the rejections of our past dictate every move we make thereafter.  We literally do not know ourselves to be any better than what some intolerant person or shallow circumstance once told us was true.

It’s time to realize this and squash the subconscious idea that you don’t deserve any better.  It’s time to remind yourself that…

1. The person you liked, loved or respected in the past, who treated you like dirt again and again, has nothing intellectually or spiritually to offer you in the present moment, but headaches and heartache.

2. One of the most rewarding and important moments in life is when you finally find the courage to let go of what you can’t change, like someone else’s behavior or decisions. 

3. Life and God both have greater plans for you that don’t involve crying at night or believing that you’re broken.

4. The harsh truth is, sometimes you have to get knocked down lower than you have ever been to stand up taller and emotionally stronger than you ever were before.

5. It’s not the end of the world – it’s never the end of the world – and yet rejection can make the loss of someone or something you weren’t even that crazy about feel gut-wrenching and world-ending.

6. Sometimes people don’t notice the things we do for them until we stop doing them.  And sometimes the more chances you give, the more respect you lose.  Enough is enough.  Never let a person get comfortable with disrespecting you.  You deserve better.  You deserve to be with someone who makes you smile – someone who doesn’t take you for granted – someone who won’t leave you hanging.

7. Some chapters in our lives have to close without closure.  There’s no point in losing yourself by trying to fix what’s meant to stay broken.

8. Take a deep breath.  Inner peace begins the moment you decide not to let another person or event control your emotions.

9. You really can’t take things other people say about you too personally.  What they think and say is a reflection of them, not you.

10. Those with the strength to succeed in the long run are the ones who build themselves up with the bricks others have thrown at them. 

11. Let your scars remind you that the damage someone has inflicted on you has left you stronger, smarter and more resilient.

12. When you lose someone or something, don’t think of it as a loss, but as a gift that lightens your load so you can better travel the path meant for you.

13. You will never miss out on what is meant for you, even if it has to come to you in a roundabout way.  Stay focused.  Be positive.

14. Rejections and naysayers aren’t that important in the grand scheme of things; so don’t let them conquer your mind.  Step forward!  Seriously, most of us do not understand how much potential we have – we limit our aspirations to the level someone else told us was possible.

15. Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are. Don’t be one of them.  Ultimately, you are who you are when nobody’s watching.  Know this!  And dare to be yourself, however awkward, different or odd that self may prove to be to someone else.

16. Comparing yourself to others, or other people’s perceptions, only undermines your worth, your education and your own inner wisdom.  There’s no one who can handle your present situation better than YOU.

17. The more we fill our lives with genuine passion and purpose, the less time and energy we’ll waste looking for approval from everyone else.

18. You CAN use your struggles, frustrations, and rejections to motivate you rather than annoy you.  You are in control of the way you look at life.

19. Sometimes transitions in life are the perfect opportunity to let go of one situation to embrace something even better coming your way.

20. Right now is a new beginning.  The possibilities ahead are endless.  Be strong enough to let go, wise enough to move forward, diligent enough to work hard, and patient enough to wait for what you deserve.

Afterthoughts

All details aside, you don’t need anyone’s constant affection or approval in order to be good enough in this world.  When someone rejects or abandons or judges you, it isn’t actually about you.  It’s about them and their own insecurities, limitations, and needs.  So you don’t have to internalize any of it!  Your worth isn’t contingent upon other people’s acceptance of you – it’s something inherent.  You exist, and therefore you matter.  You’re allowed to be yourself.  You’re allowed to voice your thoughts and feelings.  You’re allowed to assert your needs.  You’re allowed to hold on to the truth that who you are is more than enough.  And you’re allowed to let go of anyone in your life who makes you feel otherwise.

http://www.marcandangel.com/2015/04/01/20-things-to-remember-when-rejection-hurts/#more-833

Anthony Robbins: Who Do You Think You Are?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2uqfOltqqk

7 Things to Remember When You Feel Discouraged and Defeated

The worst enemy to productivity and creativity is self-pity.

This morning I didn’t feel like doing anything.  It’s a combination of exhaustion from a few days of hard work, and a lack of sleep.

I couldn’t motivate myself to do anything important, which is a rare occurrence for me.  I just felt completely discouraged and defeated.  I started overthinking things and doubting myself, and wondering whether anything I do is worthwhile.

I sat there in this funk for nearly an hour and wondered how to get out of it.  Should I just forget about today?  Should I just give up on this project, because I’m not as good at it as I thought I was?

That’s what I was considering, at least for a little while.  But the better part of me knew this mild state of depression was temporary, and so I dug into my own intellectual toolbox for solutions – little tricks of the mind that can have a real effect on reality.

Here’s what works for me – seven things to keep in mind (and do) when you feel discouraged and defeated:

1.  You are not the center of the universe (stop making it all about YOU).

I think we all have the tendency to put ourselves at the center of the universe, and see everything from the viewpoint of how it affects us.  But this can have all kinds of adverse effects, from feeling sorry for ourselves when things aren’t going exactly as planned, to doubting ourselves when we aren’t perfect.

So this morning, instead of worrying so much about myself, I thought about other people I might help.  Finding little ways to help others gets me out of my self-centered thinking, and then I’m not wallowing in self-pity anymore – I’m starting to think about what others need.  I’m not doubting myself, because the question of whether I’m good enough or not is no longer the central question.  The central question now is about what others need.

Thus, thinking about others instead of oneself helps solve feelings of discouragement and defeat.

2.  It is your resistance to ‘what is’ that causes your suffering (be present).

This morning my mind was ruminating about every time and place other than the time and place I was in.  When I caught myself doing this, I brought my focus back to the present.

Remember, happiness is allowing yourself to be perfectly OK with ‘what is,’ rather than wishing for and worrying about ‘what is not.’  ‘What is’ is what’s supposed to be, or it would not be.  The rest is just you, arguing with life.  Think about that for a minute.  This means your suffering only ever occurs when you resist how things are in the present.

Although you can’t control everything that happens to you; you can only control the way you respond to what happens.  In your response is your power.  In your power is your presence. 

3.  You are more than one thing (loosen up and stretch your identity).

We all have this picture in our minds of ourselves – this idea of what kind of person we are.  When this idea gets threatened, we react defensively.  People may question whether we did a good job, and this threatens our idea of being a competent person, so we become angry or hurt by the criticism.  Someone falsely accuses us of something and this threatens our idea that we’re a good person, and so we get angry and attack the other person.  My identity of myself as someone who’s motivated and productive and has great ideas… this was getting in the way this morning.  When I wasn’t productive, it made me feel defeated because I began subconsciously worrying that I wasn’t who I thought I was.

My solution was to realize that I’m not just one thing.  I’m not always productive – sometimes I am, but sometimes I’m unproductive too.  I’m not always motivated — sometimes I am, but other times I’m feeling lazy.  And obviously I don’t always have great ideas either – because that’s impossible.  The truth is, I can be many things, and remembering this helps me stretch my identity so it isn’t so fragile.  Then it doesn’t matter if someone thinks I didn’t do a good job – because I don’t always do a good job.  I make mistakes.  I am less than perfect.  And that’s perfectly OK.

4. Today is still a priceless gift (make the best of it).

I only have so many days left on Earth.  I don’t know how many that is, but I do know it’s a very limited number.  I know that each one of those limited days is a gift, a blessing… a miracle.  And that squandering this miracle is a crime – a horrible lack of appreciation for what I’ve been given.  And so, I reminded myself this morning that this day counts and that I still need to make the best of it.  That doesn’t mean I need to be hyper-productive or work myself into the ground, but that I should do something worthwhile.

Sometimes taking a break to nourish yourself is a worthwhile activity, because doing so allows you to regroup and do other worthwhile things.  But just sitting around in self-pity isn’t helpful.  So I got up and took my 8-month old son, Mac, for a long walk that we both enjoyed, and I came back feeling better. 

5.  Complaining is only making matters worse (find a solution).

When I get in a funk, I have a tendency to complain out loud to everyone around who’s close enough to hear me.  Obviously, this doesn’t help them, or me.  And as soon as I catch myself doing this, I force myself to shift gears.

The bottom line is that you will never get to where you want to be by complaining about where you are now.  Each step in your life is preparing you for the one that comes after it.  Complaining does not work as a strategy.  We all have limited time and energy.  Any amount of time we spend whining is unlikely to help us achieve anything worthwhile.  And it won’t make us any happier either.

If you took 10% of the energy you put into complaining and applied it to solving your present problem, you’d be surprised by how well and how fast things can work out.  (I forget this sometimes, which is why I’m writing it down again – to remind myself.)

Working as a life coach for the past decade with people who’ve suffered major trauma in their lives but found the courage to turn it around, I know we all have access to far more power, authority, and influence over our lives than we often believe.  When you stop complaining, and refuse to see yourself as a helpless victim, you’ll find that you are more powerful than you realized, but only if you choose to accept this reality.

6. Feeling discouraged and defeated is a sign that it’s time to make a change (make that change).

It could be a change of heart, a change in your perspective, or a change in your habits.  But the point in any case is that the way you are doing things is no longer working.

When we feel discouraged and defeated, typically our first instinct is to look outside of ourselves for someone or something to blame.  In reality, we ought to be looking at how we’re feeling, what we’re thinking, and how we plan to respond.

Your life is your responsibility.  While you can’t always change what’s outside of you, you can certainly change your perception of it.  And the funny thing is, when you change the way you look at things, the things themselves change, which paves the way for positive action.  

7.  Even the tiniest possible step is progress. (take a tiny step NOW).

It can be hard to get moving when you’re seriously stuck.  This is how I felt a decade ago when I was stuck in a rut after simultaneously losing two loved ones to illness and my breadwinning job.  It was really hard to motivate myself when I didn’t think I had the strength to push forward – when I felt insanely horrible and sorry for myself.  But I took one tiny step every day, and it felt good, and I got stronger.

That’s what I did this morning too – I took the tiniest possible step.  Just turning on my computer, opening up a document, and writing a single sentence.  Such an action is so small as to seem insignificant, and yet so easy as to be possible when I was feeling defeated.  And it showed me the next step was possible, and the next.  And the end result is this blog post you’re reading now.

Closing Thoughts

Yes, I’m still feeling out of it, but not defeated.  I’m feeling stronger, because I took these steps.

I know some of you feel the same way from time to time, maybe more often than you’d like to admit.  That’s OK.  We all do.  We aren’t machines, constantly charged up and ready to fire on all cylinders.  We are human, which means we falter, we doubt, and we feel pain sometimes.

And this too shall pass.

http://www.marcandangel.com/2015/03/15/7-things-to-remember-when-you-feel-discouraged-and-defeated/#more-821

Getting Better Sleep Will Change Your Life — Here's How To Make It Happen

How can I fix my sleeping habits?

Establishing good sleeping habits is one of the best ways to transform your life — there's little that affects your day more than how you slept the night before.

But as the 40% of Americans who don't get enough sleep know, getting a good night's rest is easier said than done.

It's worth it though: There are some incredible benefits to getting more sleep.

Experts recommend establishing a nighttime and morning ritual to help make sure you have the most restful experience between the sheets. Here are nine simple, concrete steps to help you get started.

1. Pick a bedtime. Don't try to go to bed "as early as possible" — that's a vague goal, which makes it almost impossible to achieve. Instead, plan ahead.

Do you want to be up by 7:00? Then get in bed at 11:00. The vast majority of people need between seven and nine hours of sleep a night, so shoot for eight to start, and adjust if it eventually feels like too much or too little.

2. Look at your normal schedule and take note of what you do. Before making any changes, think about what you are doing for the two hours before you want to be asleep. Do you normally watch TV right until you want to get into bed? Do you give yourself any time to get ready for sleep before you actually want to be asleep? Do you do eat or drink anything late at night? You can't change habits until you are aware of what you are already doing.

3. Set some rules for the future. Since you've already taken note of your habits, you can now start re-building your bedtime routine to train yourself to sleep. Set rules that will help you relax.

One big one: never do anything work-related in bed, including checking your email or social media accounts. If you associate your bed with work, it'll be much harder to relax there. That old advice about reserving your bed for sleep and sex is pretty solid — even if 9 out 10 Americans ignore it — but really, just make sure you don't do anything in bed that isn't relaxing.

4. Don't eat or drink alcohol right before bed. Eating too soon before sleeping is associated with heartburn, which can ruin a night. And even though a nightcap is tempting and might help you fall asleep at first, people who drink a lot before bed usually experience disruptions to their sleep in the second half of the night. The more time you can give yourself between partying and feasting and sleeping, the better your rest will be overall.

5. Put your smartphone and laptop away at least 30 minutes before bedtime. This is advice that people love to ignore, but there are very good reasons for it. The blue light from your phone mimics the brightness of the sun, which tells your brain to stop producing melatonin, an essential hormone that regulates your circadian rhythm and tells your body when it's time to wake and when it's time to sleep.

Disruptions to your circadian rhythm are not only linked to poor sleep, they're also connected to vision problems, cancer, and depression. Put the damn phone away.

6. Spend the 30 minutes before sleep relaxing. Here are a few recommendations from the National Sleep Foundation and a few other sources:

• Read a book or magazine you enjoy — just make sure it's not work related.
• Write your thoughts down. Experts say journaling at night can help manage stress and anxiety, making it easier for you to drift off. Spending a few minutes writing in a journal is associated with more productive workdays, less stress, fewer symptoms of depression, and more.
• Create a hygiene ritual that sends a psychological signal that you are getting ready for bed. Brush your teeth, wash your face, floss.
• Try meditation. Studies show that mindfulness meditation lowers stress and promotes psychological well-being. If you want something that will send you to sleep, the UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center has a selection of free downloadable meditations, including one specifically designed to be done in bed.

7. If in the end you can't sleep after all that, try not to fight it. Get out of bed, make yourself a cup of herbal tea, and go read something relaxing (or boring, even — but again, not work-related). Don't look at the screen of your TV, phone, or computer, and get back in bed when you feel tired.

8. In the a.m., don't hit snooze. Experts say that those 10 minutes will only leave you groggier if you fall into a deeper sleep and it'll take even longer for you to feel fully awake.

9. Get some exercise and in particular, some sun, early on. It'll wake you up and that early morning exposure to sunlight will shut off melatonin production, priming your body to start producing it again the next night, when you are getting ready for bed.

It's not always easy, but taking these steps can help you get a good night's sleep. And when you wake up fully rested, you'll thank yourself.

http://uk.businessinsider.com/how-to-sleep-better-2014-12

Master Your Emotional Health And Master Your Life

Emotional mastery is the key to living a life that you direct. The capacity to have absolute direct power over what you feel in every single moment—no matter what happens around you—is one of the most important skill sets you can have.

There are three forces in the world that determine what you feel. These forces are called the Triad. Together, these three patterns create any—and every—emotional state.Whatever you feel, you’re not feeling it because you have to feel it. You’re feeling it because you’ve chosen from the Triad. 

In order to master your emotions and consciously choose the emotions you want to live in, you need to understand these three forces and how to use them to your advantage.

#1: Physiology Emotion is created by motion. Whatever you’re feeling right now is directly related to how you’re using your body. If you slump your shoulders and lean your head forward, you’ll move toward a state of depression. However, the next time you find yourself in a negative state, stand up, throw your shoulders back and take a few deep breaths. You’ll find that you’re able to put yourself in a resourceful state. From this state, you can make stronger decisions and enjoy a sense of certainty that will keep you calm in the face of uncertainty.

#2: Language Language comes in many forms, one of which includes the questions you ask yourself, either aloud or inside your head. If you ask, “Why does this always have to happen to me?” you’ll create a much different set of emotions than if you asked, “How can I benefit from this?” or “Where’s the gift in this?” or “What’s humorous about this?”The language patterns you run play a significant role in the meaning you give a situation—and the emotion that situation creates in you. When you feel negative emotions taking over, look at the language surrounding your situation. How can you shift it to create a more empowering state?

#3: Focus Where focus goes, energy flows. And where energy flows, whatever you’re focusing on grows. In other words, your life is controlled by what you focus on. That’s why you need to focus on where you want to go, not on what you fear. When you next find yourself in a state of uncertainty, resist your fear. Shift your focus toward where you want to go and your actions will take you in that direction.

Understanding—and influencing—your Triad is the first step toward emotional mastery. When you can influence your emotions using the Triad, you can choose to spend more time in positive, resourceful emotional states. From these states, you’ll make the decisions that will help you reach your highest potential and enjoy your life in every moment.

http://training.tonyrobbins.com/master-your-emotional-health-and-master-your-life/

Get Over Your Fears - Stop Them From Stopping You

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RJ5AV9HUYqs

10 Courageous Ways to Live Life Without Regrets

“Life is inherently risky.  There is only one big risk you should avoid at all costs, and that is the risk of doing nothing.”
―Denis Waitley

Have you ever wondered what gives some people the willingness to move without fear or hesitation?

They do things you believe you can’t do because you’re afraid of the outcome, of the unknown, of the pain.

You see people who can let go of things that might matter to them, and move on with their lives without struggling too much.  You see people who can quit or change their jobs, end difficult relationships, and travel around the world, just like that.

Sometimes you regret not trying harder to follow in the footsteps.  And you wonder…

What do these people have that I don’t?  What’s their secret?

Well, I’ve studied the lives of dozens of courageous (and also successful) people over the years, and I’m happy to share these time-tested strategies for courageously living your life without regrets:

1. Be as weird as you are. – Don’t be afraid to provoke the status quo.  Maybe some of your ideas are crazy.  But crazy ideas are what shake the world.  Crazy ideas make revolutions.  So don’t be afraid to be different, and don’t be afraid to break traditions.  Sure, some people will be frustrated and opposed to your weirdness.  Some people might even criticize you.  But even if it takes time for them to embrace your ideas, you’re showing them a new way of thinking.  You’re planting a seed in their heads and opening their minds – and you’re opening your own mind too.  The minute you understand that you can be weird and mold life your own way, you allow yourself to shake off the erroneous notion that life is just there, and that you’re just going to exist in it, rather than embrace it, change it, improve it, and truly live it.

2. Choose to act even when you’re unsure of your ability. – Everyone has doubts about their abilities.  You might think you’re not good enough, not smart enough, or not strong enough.  And it’s OK if you’re not great at something, because you don’t have to be.  It doesn’t matter if you don’t do things perfectly either.  What matters is that you dare to try.  Instead of looking at the end result (the big picture), divide your project into pieces and tackle the piece you feel most comfortable with first.  You need to be content with small steps in life.  Honestly, that’s all life is – small steps that you take every day, and then one day when you look back down the road it all adds up and you know you covered some serious distance.

3. Fearlessly follow your intuition. – Intuition is seeing with the soul.  It’s about giving your God-given instincts a say in the matter.  Of course, at first this may seem irrational.  You might think the more you over-analyze, the more you’ll make good decisions, right?  But more often than not, doing so can actually lead you to make poorer decisions.  Exclusively using your rational mind, or relying on your ego, keeps you safe and secure – meaning there’s no room to take calculated risks and learn and grow from them.  Using your rational mind 24/7 allows your fears to overcome you.  And those fears can cloud the signals that your body – that powerful communicator and receptor – sends you.  So you need to be in the present and pay attention to your body’s sensations: tightness in the chest, goose bumps, odours, visions, etc.  That’s your intuition!  Don’t be afraid to make decisions that seem a little irrational from the outside, yet feel totally right on the inside.

4. Stand up for your values (even at the risk of rejection). – Never compromise your values.  Don’t let the fear of being rejected stop you from affirming what’s important to you.  The right people will respect you more and hold you in higher regard if you’re rigorous about your principles, if you’re honest, and if you stay consistent about what you believe in.  This is a powerful way to solidify your relationships and to gain mutual trust… Maybe not in the beginning, but in the long run.  Furthermore, standing up for your values instantly makes you a leader, as it’s the most heroic quality one can aspire to.

5. Speak your mind even if your voice shakes. – At times, you may think your word has no weight.  But it does (regardless of how miniscule you may think it is).  Your opinion will be an eye-opener for some people, and it will be a source of liberation for others.  We all have an altruist nature buried within.  We all want to help the people around us in some way.  So instead of being stuck in your mind, ask yourself how your thoughts and words might help the ones around you, and focus on them instead of the ones you believe might judge you.  Let people take you as you are, or not at all.  By being yourself, you put something beautiful into the world that was not there before.  And this helps everyone who’s worth helping (including YOU).

6. Be willing to be vulnerable. – Nothing is wrong with telling someone else how you truly feel.  Sharing something personal makes you stronger in people’s eyes, and most importantly in your own.  Being able to show the real you when most people would rather hide behind a fake mask is an admirable quality.  So don’t be ashamed to shed a tear.  Being vulnerable only shows that you’re able to face the truth – even the hard truth – with dignity.  Open yourself up.  Allow yourself to feel, to be mindful and authentic.  Tear down any emotional brick walls you have built around yourself and experience every exquisite emotion, both good and bad.  This is real life.

7. Be willing to be judged. – Don’t let fear of embarrassment stop you from trying something new.  Sometimes we withhold ourselves from novelty because we’re afraid some people might call us silly or stupid.  Shying away from trying something new stops your growth and your evolution.  It stops you from acquiring new skills and knowledge.  And life is a continuous school.  Don’t miss out on opportunities to learn something enriching.  If you think your new project might seem ridiculous to some people, turn those thoughts around in a funny or a disarming way, and go ahead and take the classes that interest you.  And if people judge you for it, feel sorry for them, for simple minds are usually amused by simple things. 

8. Admit when you’re wrong. – You would think that pride is a positive emotion, but it’s not when it’s excessive.  Excessive pride is a reaction to insecurity.  So when you know you’re wrong, instead of trying to protect your self-esteem in the eyes of others, hold your tongue for two minutes, take a deep breath, and find the lesson.  Consider the fact that being wrong is OK, and then admit that you are wrong.  Yes, it’s hard.  Yes, it takes strength to admit it, but it makes you more humble and commendable.  And even more importantly, realize that when you’re wrong, you’re meant to be wrong so that you may outgrow the things you need to outgrow.

9. End hurtful relationships. – One of the very hardest parts of loving someone: You have to give things up for them.  And sometimes, you even have to give them up.  Of course, it’s always difficult to let go of someone you care about (or cared about) without getting hurt in the process.  Even if this person has hurt you a hundred times, you start thinking of all these what ifs – these maybes about the future.  But that’s just the thing… there’s nothing concrete and reliable about these feelings and fantasies.  The reality of their actions has disproven them.  When someone shows you their true colors time and time again, it’s best to believe them and carry on without them. 

10. Forgive (even when you’ve been deeply hurt). – Forgiveness isn’t holding on to someone who hurt you; it’s coming to peace with what happened and moving forward with your life, one way or the other.  Some of us have a tendency to hold grudges against people.  We’re unable to let go of the past.  But grudges are a toxic emotion – an emotion that can rot inside you and turn you into a bitter, egotistical zombie.  Know that pain is short-lived.  Emotional pain is a call to acknowledge it and address it, instead of letting it get the best of you.  In fact, forgiveness is the sweetest revenge.  If you can forgive someone who did you wrong, you’re at least one step ahead of them in the karma department, and one step ahead of everyone else who’s still holding on to old grudges that are holding them back.

Closing Thoughts

Life is not about maintaining the status quo.

Life is not about playing it safe.

Life is not about standing still.

It’s about connecting with your soul, respecting your integrity, and telling yourself that you’re able.  It’s about taking a few steps, regardless of how little they may be, so you can move forward, and evolve.

That’s why you were put here on this earth: to grow.  You can be challenged, scared, and stretched to your limits, but taking action will make you feel gratified beyond belief.

And the best part is: You become more decisive, more playful, and more vigorous.

So don’t be afraid to let go of your inhibitions.  Don’t be afraid to be disappointed.  Don’t be afraid to get hurt.

Ask yourself about the costs and implications of not taking action.  Then think of the new possibilities that could arise if you do dare to act.

Be daring and courageous!

Get moving and live it!

This is your one shot…

Take it, today!

http://www.marcandangel.com/2015/03/11/10-courageous-ways-to-live-life-without-regrets/#more-825